About two weeks ago, my husband found rat droppings in our loft.

Later, he found mouse droppings under our kitchen cupboards…

This information has caused me to react in all sorts of unusual ways.

The loft hatch is in our bathroom. So, whenever I need to go to the toilet, I run! Fast! Quickly, I dance about the bathroom… fearing that a rat will fall on my head!

My husband has assured me that the hatch is closed; I need not fear raining rats! But, whenever I open our bathroom door at night, I dread vermin waiting for me… waiting to climb in my hair!

Downstairs, in the kitchen, I frequently convince myself that any scratchy sound is a mouse. Fear rises up as I clean my kitchen cupboards nervously…

As a result, my mind has become a bit ‘vermin-obsessed.’ I notice scuffles when I walk past bushes or bins! The other day I actually spotted a rat in our nearby park. It ran straight across the path I was about to take!

But here is the truth – we’ve had a pest-control expert visit our house and assess the situation. He said that we don’t have a problem and both the mouse and rat were likely passing through, looking for shelter elsewhere.

Point being: the vermin have not set up camp in our house. They are not about to chew through the contents of my kitchen cupboards. They are not about to destroy the contents of my loft.

Yet, I have spent at least two weeks letting fear fester in my mind. Granted it’s quite a ridiculous and laughable fear… but, let’s get serious, how much time do you and I waste fearing things that don’t ever happen? Things that are not true, in the slightest?

Recently, the British government commanded our beautiful scouse city into what’s called a ‘local lockdown.’ That means, citizens of Liverpool cannot visit friends, or have friends in their houses! We can’t meet outside with more than 6 people, either.

And, I have to be honest, this announcement did something to me. It caused me to react in all sorts of unusual ways.

Firstly, I started second guessing what everyone else was doing.

I believed that everyone else was winning at mothering, while I was not.

I feared that I was getting it wrong.

I condemned myself for watching television, or letting my daughter watch television. I felt guilty for cleaning too much and not being a force of entertainment for my little one. I honestly believed that all other mum’s were sailing through this difficult time; making the most of it, while I struggled.

A nagging thought of comparison grew. It said: “she is doing it better than you are.”

• She is managing to feed her kids fruit and veg whilst eating fruit and veg herself… how many sugary carbs have you had today, Beth?
• She is managing to do exercise every day… when was the last time you exercised, Beth?
• She is enjoying her time at home with her little one… why aren’t you enjoying days at home?
• You are not cut out for this, Beth. Not like ‘she’ is.

Pretty soon, I believed that I was failing, in some way, or shape, or form, every single day. 

Failing at limiting screen time, failing at being a present parent. Failing to check if my daughter’s teeth have been brushed on a morning. Failing to sometimes brush my own teeth on a morning! Failing to write new blog posts, failing to edit old blog posts. Failing to keep up with church leadership tasks. Failing to keep my daughter entertained with fresh and fun activities…

Just… failing!

Past failures then started coming to my mind, convincing me of the fact that I was a failure. What started out as a nagging feeling that others were coping better than me, soon turned into an attack on my identity.

And I didn’t even realise it.

Fear is a downward spiral.

• It can cause you to react in unusual ways.
• It can cause you to work hard to prevent the thing you fear from happening. Which can then cause you to burn out and feel exhausted.
• It can cause you to believe you are something that you are not. ‘A failure.’ ‘A freak.’ ‘Unloved.’

 So, how do we get off this downward spiral?

How can I stop fearing failure?

How can you stop letting fear fill your mind? I have had 3 thoughts about this.

1.Reprove

The other day, I was walking along a nearby promenade. The sun was beaming, making the water appear as glitter. If you know me, you know I love sparkle. Right there, God spoke to me.

In the middle of my overthinking and frustration, God offered me a sparkly river and encouraged me with a simple instruction… “Speak to your problem.”

Too often, I accept fear, without ever questioning it. But, instead of bowing down to fear of failure; I can remind myself that God covers all of my failure. I can speak to my fear and tell it that I serve a very powerful God, who never fails me.

The word ‘reprove’ means “to scold or correct” (Merriam Webster Online.)

I believe that instead of simply accepting fear, we need to reprove it. Scold it. Tell it where to go!

You and I don’t have to agree with thoughts that fill our minds with panic. We can literally say “NOT TODAY FEAR!”

We can speak out promises of God – He is good, He comes through for us, He saves us, He protects us, He heals us and He is always with us.

2. Rest

God also told me that I need to rest. And he reminded me that rest is a heart issue.

Jesus said:

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.

Matthew 11:28- 30, MSG.

Here’s the thing:

• I could watch television all day, but in my heart I could be thinking all sorts of stressful things.
• I could have a bath and spend every second of it fretting about tomorrow.
• I could go for a walk and worry about my to-do list, every step of the way.

But true rest requires surrender. It requires me to give up my agenda and, instead, let God lavish His love on me.

I could easily tell you to go for a coffee by yourself or read a good book – both of those things may seem like restful activities to you.

But true rest comes from God.

So, all I can do is challenge you – are you really resting? Are you really letting go and surrendering all of your cares and worries to God?

Or… are you pretending to rest? Are you eating ice cream and watching The Great British Bake Off with anxiety inside your heart, secretly hoping it will go away?

I’ve been there and I learnt that, in order to really rest, I had to first surrender all of my worries to God. I had to make a decision to stop trying to fix things and trust that God would fix them for me.

3. Receive

Do you know what the opposite of fear is?

PERFECT LOVE.

The bible says:

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

1 John 4:18, NIV.

Recently, I felt compelled to read a book that I’ve had on my shelf for 6 years (Simply Christian, Tom Wright.) Reading this book, I was instantly reminded of the humanity of Jesus. The realness of Him.

The bible talks of how Jesus loved to be with his friends; one time He turned water into wine and another time He surprised his besties with a huge net full of fish – breakfast on the beach!

But the bible also tells us that Jesus was deeply moved by the people He met. He felt genuine sorrow for the sick and lost. He was grieved by the struggles that people go through.

This Jesus of the bible – He is still the same today. He wants to laugh and cry with us.

He is not laughing at you. He is not telling you to ‘pull yourself together for the greater good.’ He is the epitome of love. And – most of the time – I forget that massive detail!

So, my question to you today is… do you know that real, fleshy Jesus of the bible? That guy that looks into your eyes and tells you He gets it? He feels your pain?

Do you know that Jesus wants to give you more love than you could ever imagine? He would love nothing more than to eat, drink and hang out with you?

I guess my real question is this: are you receiving God’s love?

Only you can truly answer that one.

And if the answer’s no… don’t beat yourself up. Simply pray: “God, I am sorry for disconnecting from you, I choose now to receive your love. Please remind me of all that you are Jesus.”

Honestly, I don’t know what will happen after you pray that prayer! But I expect something incredible will follow. And you should too!

Conclusion

I started this post with a story about a rat and a mouse.

Two vermin, trying to steal food and eat my loft insulation!

I don’t know what you are afraid of right now, but I do know that if you are listening to fear… you could be heading down a spiral of overthinking, overdoing and burnout.

I hope that what God has taught me, over these past few weeks, will also help you.

I hope that you will start reproving your fear, with faith. I hope that you will begin to really rest and surrender all stress to a BIG and powerful God.

Above all, I hope that the love of Jesus would meet you where you are at. I hope that when you are alone, ugly-crying, you feel Jesus with you, reminding you of your beauty and His grace.

God is for you and He is figuring everything out ahead of you; you can simply give in and receive His goodness.

Don’t let those vermin thoughts steal truth from your precious mind. Reprove. Rest. And receive.

Praying for you.