The other night, I was lying in bed, when a sudden “THUD” startled both me and my husband.

The noise sounded as if it came from our loft – in which, our pest control friend had set up a rodent trap, weeks ago.

Obviously, my husband and I assumed that a rat had triggered the trap…

Instantly, I felt disappointed.

A few hours before the “THUD”, I had prayed that all rats and mice be gone from my humble abode, in Jesus name!

I know… sounds like a funny prayer! Nevertheless, I had prayed in faith. So, why didn’t my prayer work? Why were intruders snooping around our precious storage boxes?

When morning came, my husband entered our loft to check if we had caught a rat.

Guess what? There wasn’t a rat in sight. The trap had not triggered and our storage was safe. The sudden “THUD” remains a mystery.

I felt the Holy Spirit clearly speak to me through this situation.

Thing is: I easily flit from confidence to doubt. All it takes is a little niggle – one little lie, one pesky “THUD” – and my mind wobbles over from faith to uncertainty. Eventually, I stall in doubt.

At the moment, I am reading the book of Romans. Yesterday, a couple of verses jumped out at me:

By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.

Romans 5: 1-2, MSG, (my emphasis.)

If I believe in Christ, I STAND in grace because of all He did for me.

Yet, I am not very good at standing still in belief. My thoughts want to jump, run and flit from the above, solid truth to a wobbly lie…

I want to believe, but I am often tempted to focus on reasons why I shouldn’t believe.

Every time I want to believe that God will do a good thing – my mind will come up with reasons why I shouldn’t trust Him. Reasons why I should doubt Him.

Lies and thuds. Memories of prayers that were not answered in the way I expected.

I guess the crux of my issue is the fact that I have experienced hard and painful things, whilst trusting in a good and gracious God. And because of my experience, I find myself struggling to believe that God will come through for me.

When doubt comes to us in this way, we are at danger of going down a few different routes:

Route 1… Striving

I think of Abram and Sarai. God promised them a son – better than that – He promised them as many descendants as were stars in a glittering night’s sky! (See Genesis 15.)

Yet, Sarai convinces Abram to sleep with her slave, Hagar. Why? Because she doubts God’s promise. She chooses to take matters into her own hands.

As a result, Hagar bears a son to Abram, named Ismael. Hagar despises Sarai for this. Therefore, Sarai mistreats Hagar, causing the slave and her illegitimate son to eventually flee. (See Genesis 16.)

Like Sarai, rather than bring my doubt to God, I will often seek a way to take matters into my own hands – without God’s help.

I try to blank out my doubt. I do all I can to keep calm and carry on doing; striving to earn God’s promise.

But, here is the thing: God always knows when I haven’t chosen simple trust in Him. He sees my heart. Even if I look like I’m quoting the right scripture and doing righteous things, God knows where my heart is truly at.

If you are in a similar situation, the best starting place is honesty with God about your doubt. Be specific about the lies you are tempted to believe.

There is a story in the bible about a man who has a son, with a mute spirit:

Then one of the crowd answered [Jesus] and said, “Teacher, I brought You my son, who has a mute spirit. And wherever it seizes him, it throws him down he foams at the mouth, gnashes his teeth, and becomes rigid. So I spoke to Your disciples, that they should cast it out, but they could not.”

[Jesus] answered him and said, “O faithless generation, how long shall I be with you? How long shall I bear with you? Bring him to Me.” Then they brought him to Him. And when he saw Him, immediately the spirit convulsed him, and he fell on the ground and wallowed, foaming at the mouth.

So He asked his father, “How long has this been happening to him?”

And he said, “From childhood. And often he has thrown him both into the fire and into the water to destroy him. But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.”

Jesus said to him, “If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.”

Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!”

Mark 9: 17 – 24, NIV, (my emphasis.)

Just like the boy’s father, I want to believe – but Jesus sees my unbelief. He calls out my doubt and uncertainty.

When the man says “heal my unbelief” he is confessing. He knows that Jesus has seen his questioning heart.

As a result, the man cries out in repentance – I imagine he was remorseful, realising his doubt in the presence of God.

You and I need to first get to a place of confession: Lord, here’s my doubt. It exists. But I don’t want it to. Heal my unbelief Jesus.

In my experience, the more specific you can be with God about the doubts you are tempted to believe – the better. Write them down and say “Lord here they are.”

Route 2… Forgetting

I think of Adam and Eve in the garden. After disobeying God, they hid from Him.

Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. ⁹ But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”

Genesis 3: 8-9, NIV.

They forgot God’s goodness and grace. They forgot His kindness. They had doubted God’s initial command, to refrain from eating forbidden fruit. That doubt led to sin, which in turn caused them to doubt God’s goodness and hide from His presence.

Of course, when I think about times that God didn’t meet my prayer needs in the way I expected, I get angry and I feel hurt and confused. I doubt and then I hide from God; I don’t talk to Him as He is – a merciful and loving Father.

That is exactly where the enemy of my soul wants me to be. Hiding from God.

Jesus said:

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

John 10:10, NIV.

With this in mind, you and I need to believe that God is still God through job loss, a pandemic, abuse, loss of loved ones and heartbreak. We need to get to a place where it isn’t about God coming through for us in the way we want but it is about God being worthy of all the praise, even if I never see promises this side of heaven.

Hiding from Him when things get tough cannot be an option for us.

We need to look to who he is and who he will always be:

• Healer.
• Compassionate.
• Restorer.
• Forgiver.
• Merciful.
• Graceful.
• Wonderful.

Believe that He doesn’t want you to suffer; He wants you to become all that you can be. He wants to be with you through any kind of pain – so don’t let doubt send you into hiding.

Once you have confessed your doubts to God, stay with Him. As Him for truth. Lean into Him.

You don’t need to quote loads of scripture or listen to a bunch of Youtube sermons. I am not saying they are not good ideas I am just saying – you need to stay personally connected to God.

God will give you a specific word or sentence in prayer. He will cut through the noise of doubt with His still, small voice. He will give you a unique testimony; a breakthrough from doubt to belief. But you have to stay close to Him.

Route 3… Quitting

Have you heard of decision fatigue?

Simply put, when you make too many decisions, you can feel physically tired and overwhelmed.

I’ve been suffering from decision fatigue a lot lately.

The bible says:

But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

James 1:6, NIV.

When we are doubting, we are undecided. Double minded. Flitting from one thing to another thing. It’s exhausting – like endless sea-sickness.

The cure? We need to make one final decision that we are not going to leave God. One choice that says we are going to be faithful to Him, no matter what.

When we feel pulled to doubt again, we can go back to our original decision and say “I am not going to do this to myself. I decided to be faithful and I am not going to change my mind and get lost in a sea of indecision and doubt.”

I’ve heard it also suggested that putting a time limit on doubt can help. Get a counsellor, talk it through, but then there has to be a point where you say: “now, I am going to make one final decision to stay faithful.”

A couple of days ago, I felt really fearful about a situation. I started to think that something terrible was going to happen.

My mind gave me a bunch of reasons why this one bad thing could actually happen to me.

I had a choice to make: would I let my brain wander into doubt and believe in this bad future event, over God’s good plans?

I followed the steps above: confessed my doubt and prayed to Jesus. A bible verse came to my mind.

I then said aloud: “I choose to believe this bible verse.”

Even though my feelings wanted to surrender to the bad, I chose to believe what God was speaking to me.

To seal the decision, I told a friend. I gave her permission to remind me of my one, final choice, and keep me accountable to it. My hearts plea: “Don’t let me go back on it. Shout at me if you have to!”

You can do the same. You can resolve to believe. You don’t have to be torn up by a sea of mixed feelings and decision fatigue.

You can make one choice and tell a friend. You can leave sea-sickness and torment behind, right now.

Conclusion

Lies and thuds will happen to each of us. One moment, we might be praising God, but the next second one sudden “THUD” can threaten to throw us off course, into a sea of doubt.

When this occurs, the question is this: are you going to stay faithful?

Will you endure? Will you confess your doubt, stay close to God, make one final decision and stick to it like a sticky thing?

God knows your heart and He is very aware of where you are truly at. But, ultimately, the choice is yours.