This week, I am unpicking ‘rejection.’ I am basically going to get to grips with what rejection actually is, what it does and how it affects people like you and me. If you want to read the first post in this series, click here.

Today, I want to try and answer one simple question: “what is rejection?”

I think I have 5 answers!

1. Rejection is… inevitable.

I wish this were not true, but I think you and I have both experienced rejection before. I mean, even Jesus – the kindest, most compassionate, honest, loyal person you will ever know – was rejected.

In the bible, Jesus says:

“If the world hates you, know that it has hated me before it hated you.”

John 15:18, ESV.

I am not telling you this to make you feel depressed or hopeless. And just because it’s inevitable, does not mean you have a free pass to reject people without cause!

Rather, I want to challenge you to talk to others about any rejection that you have faced.

Perhaps you applied from a certain job, only to be rejected. Maybe you had a great friendship with someone – you know, the kind that spans across years – only to be ended suddenly and without explanation. You might feel rejected by your in-laws, or your extended family, for one reason, or another.

My point is – if you’ve bottled up rejection, hoping that the pain will go away, it might be time to talk about it.

I get this sense that rejection is a taboo subject. It is time it became a dinner table topic!

Over the coming days and weeks, when you face rejection – don’t be ashamed to share what happened. Talk to Jesus, talk to a friend, talk to a counsellor or talk to a family member. You can experience support from people that have the ability to say: “me too, I’ve been there. Don’t give up.

2. Rejection is… sometimes completely fictional!

There is a story in the bible, about a woman caught in adultery. Scribes and Pharisees want to stone the woman. However, Jesus steps in and speaks, which saves the woman from death:

But when they heard [Him], they went away one by one, beginning with the older ones, and Jesus was left alone with the woman standing before him. Jesus stood up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?” She said, “No one, Lord.” And Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you; go, and from now on sin no more.”

John 8: 9-11 ESV, my brackets.

I don’t know about you, but sometimes I act as though I have been rejected, even when I have not. But Jesus says: “Where are they?” Where are the people that are rejecting you? Are they real, or are they in your head?

When deciding to share my blog publically, I instantly created a false list of people that would reject me, in my mind. I started to feel like they had already rejected me. Apart from my husband, my daughter and a few other people who have to love me – I began telling myself that I was otherwise rejected.

The truth was, I was getting encouraging texts from my friends and not one person have given me a negative comment or had decided that I wasn’t worth being friends with anymore.

The thing is: we can pretend we’ve been rejected. We can lie to ourselves. And it feels totally, 100% real.

I am reminded of a book I read recently called “Think, Learn Succeed,” by Caroline Leaf. She says “don’t think you know what someone else is feeling, because you will be about 30 to 50 percent wrong and it will cause increased emotional trauma to yourself by second-guessing in this way” (page 69.)

My question to you is: where are they? Where are the people that are rejecting you? Are they real or are they in your mind.

3. Rejection is… a wound that needs healing.

I did a bit of Google research to discover the actual definition of rejection. It stems from a Latin word which means “to throw back.”

When I learnt this, my heart sank a bit. Because, it’s so true, isn’t it? We can only be rejected when we put our true self out there, only to get thrown back in return. It is a painful experience, therefore a wound that needs healing.

I am going to go one step further and say: even the person that does the rejecting requires healing. Therefore, whether you have been rejected or have rejected another human being, don’t deny your need for restoration.

I think of Peter in the bible. I can relate to Him a lot.

Peter rejected Jesus three times. But Jesus heals Peter’s wounded heart:

^“When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”

“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”

Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”

The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.””

John 21: 15 – 17, NIV.

Jesus asks Peter “do you love me” three times, acknowledging the three times that Peter rejected Him. Jesus gives Peter an instruction to build His church. It is clear Jesus forgives Peter; He is telling His friend to move on.

Where do you need to accept Jesus’ forgiveness? Is there someone that you rejected badly? Or, do you need to forgive those that hurt you?

I know that the reason I am afraid of rejection has a lot to do with past and present rejection, that I have to forgive and move on from, time and time again.

4. Rejection is… not always a bad thing.

I was dancing in my kitchen to Katy Perry, the other day. One of her songs says “rejection can be God’s protection.”

How true is that!

Years ago, I was rejected to study at Newcastle University, which was my top choice. I was instead accepted at Liverpool University. Whilst studying in Liverpool I found my faith and met my husband. I have now lived here for 10 years! I love this city and all that God has done here for and with me.

The bible says:

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8: 28.

I can testify to this, in many ways. Maybe today you need to trust God that a current rejection will work for His glory and your good.

5. Rejection is… out of your control.

Hate to end on this note, but I just want to tell you to stop people-pleasing and stop trying to protect yourself from facing rejection. I’ve done that before and will probably go into more detail about that tomorrow, when discussing what rejection feels like.

But, for now, just know that you can never control rejection. And if you think you can, then you are deceived. Even Jesus, despite knowing that He would be betrayed, didn’t try to people-please or control those He knew would reject Him. He let it happen.

Maybe you’ve shut yourself away from rejection, maybe you are lying about who you really are in order to delay the pain of denial. If so, I am so sorry that this is how you feel. Please know that there are plenty of people that will love you, just as you are. Jesus absolutely loves the real you, even though you have thousands of excuses as to why He doesn’t.

Conclusion

Nobody likes rejection. It hurts! But I hope that by outlining these 5 points, you will feel challenged to at least look at the rejection in your life. Face up to what it is. Is it a wound that needs to be healed? Is it something you need to talk about?

Are you creating false rejection in your brain? Are you kidding yourself that you can control who and who does not reject you?

Maybe you are simply sat feeling hopeless, believing rejection has the final say on your future. It doesn’t!

Believe that you are not alone. Believe that you have a future beyond pain. Believe that you are loved.