In 2012 I caught glandular fever, followed by post-viral fatigue.

It took me a couple of years to heal and – if I am honest – my recovery was a long and frustrating experience.

Today, I feel prompted to write about six recovery mistakes that I made, whilst living with post-viral fatigue!

My hope is that I can bring encouragement to you, if you are battling a long-term illness. I want to make you feel a little less lonely.

I also want to empower you, so that you can make helpful changes, in the midst of a challenging time.

If you are not struggling with post-viral fatigue, don’t switch off! My hope is that this post might additionally aid non-sufferers, helping you gain greater compassion for those struggling with an invisible illness.

Mistake #1: Fighting my Fatigue

When I caught glandular fever, I was a student, studying in my final year of university. I was attending lectures, completing coursework, revising, studying and working a part-time retail job.

I felt weirdly exhausted and I had a really terrible cough. Yet, I kept powering through! Partly because my glandular fever initially went undiagnosed, but also because I was in denial!

On the outside, I looked completely fine. On the inside, I knew something was wrong. I wasn’t well.

But, because I looked fine, I carried on trying to get a first-class degree. I was so harsh on myself. I thought I could maintain a crazy-busy lifestyle, whilst inwardly struggling with fatigue.

If you are like me, you might be tempted to keep on keeping on. You might want to mentally fight fatigue, rather than accept that you have it.

I would encourage you to first acknowledge any fatigue you feel. Maybe you’ve been repressing it, maybe you’ve literally not mentioned it to anyone.

It is time to accept the truth: long-term fatigue is here, you are struggling inwardly – and that’s O.K.

Mistake #2: Doing too Much, too Soon

Once I had accepted my illness, I decided to go and live with my parents for a month or so. I studied from their home and my friend emailed my lecture notes.

Then, one day, I decided to return to university.

I hopped in the car and my dad drove me straight back to my pre-illness life. I went back to work, I returned to lectures, seminars and library sessions.

I did it all.

I ran towards everything that university life had to offer, not wanting to miss out.

Sure enough, I crashed again, less than three months later.

The crash was far worse than the initial diagnosis. Why? Because, in doing too much too soon, I had mentally drained myself of all energy. Plus, I would up feeling anxious.

My goal in life wasn’t to be a student recovering with post-viral fatigue, my goal was to be a student. In other words, I was trying to be what I was not. This resulted in anxiety attacks and burnout.

My advice is to take it slow and do what is right for you.

You might have been able to multi-task as a wife, mum, manager and housekeeper before you contracted post-viral fatigue. But, if you go back to all of that at once, you may burnout. You could also start to feel anxious, when you discover that your body cannot do what you want it to do.

Set small, realistic goals for yourself. If you’ve been housebound for a couple of weeks, leaving the house to walk the length of your street might be exhausting, to begin with.

For a short while, you might want to reduce your hours at work, which is what I eventually did. Please don’t right this option off, for fear of losing money. Of course, you will need to adjust to a smaller income, but prioritising your health will be worth it in the long-run.

Remember, I took two years to heal emotionally and physically, so this isn’t a quick fix.

Mistake #3: People Pleasing

Post-viral fatigue is an invisible illness. That means, when I had post-viral fatigue, I could have sat in a room full of people and you wouldn’t have been able to identify me as ill. Physically, I had no wounds, I was not throwing up, I was able to walk and talk and I was not hospitalized.

Unfortunately, that means you have to try and explain your illness to people who might not understand it.

I found this to be an upsetting experience.

The painful truth is: not everyone is going to understand how you feel. I met my husband in the middle of my recovery and he didn’t understand post-viral fatigue or anxiety, at all.

The good news is that other people have been where you are. People like me.

There are currently tens of thousands of people that are feeling similar to you, in the U.K alone. They are crawling into bed straight after work. They are not thinking straight. They are struggling to make a cup of tea without feeling tired. They are unable to walk around the block.

Simply put: you are not alone. My advice: first try to explain your illness to your loved ones, but don’t beat yourself up if they don’t completely get it. Try not to be offended by people that don’t understand your illness.

Keep explaining, but also, go and find people that really understand. People who have been through something similar. Pray that God would lead you to those people.

Search for online groups. Reach out to others that you see struggling and ask how they are feeling. I promise you, you are not alone.

For me, I was led by God to a wonderful lady that also had glandular fever and post-viral fatigue. A year into my illness, I met another lovely friend who was suffering with an illness. We spent many ‘sick days’ together, drinking homemade lattes and watching television!

I also spent a lot of time journaling and praying. No one understands what you are going through more than Jesus.

Mistake #4: Eating Fast Food & Not Exercising

When I had post-viral fatigue, I ate biscuits. LOTS of biscuits.

My favourite meal was tzatziki and pitta bread. I am not even kidding!

My point is: I was eating quick food that didn’t need cooking. I was in the house all day and I couldn’t find energy to cook.

Maybe you can relate? You are too tired to make a meal for one after a long day at work. Your fatigue means that you are not looking after yourself well.

If this is the case, I urge you to get help. Can you order a healthy meal box online? Can you make simple slow cooker recipes before you go to work, when you have the most energy? Can you pay for a friend to cook for you? Can you team up with a family that can cook for you?

If you are reading this and you know of someone that is struggling post-viral fatigue, please cook them a healthy meal. Buy them some vitamin supplements, or a big bowl of fruit! We all need to look after one another.

It is also a great idea to get out for a short walk, if possible. Or, stay indoors and complete an easy workout, using a Youtube video.

Mistake #5: Accepting the Wrong Kind of Help

I am so grateful for the N.H.S for all of the support I received, when I had post-viral fatigue.

However, on one occasion, I given a course of cognitive behavioural therapy which wasn’t helpful for me at all. (The counsellor said my life was like a tsunami!)

On another occasion, I was also offered beta blockers, by a young doctor that didn’t seem to understand my illness. I felt like he was trying to prescribe me anything!

Don’t get me wrong, both of these options may be helpful to you. But, they were not for me.

If your doctor refers you to a counsellor that you don’t feel comfortable with, don’t be afraid to say: “this isn’t working for me.”

Similarly, if you don’t feel right about a prescription that has been handed to you, don’t be afraid to question it.

What helped me to get through my post-viral fatigue was regular, honest chats with a friend who understood me and challenged any crazy thoughts I had. Later, I sought paid counselling from a wonderful, Christian lady.

The thing is: when you have post-viral fatigue, you spend a lot of time in bed thinking, but not doing. Therefore, you might need to process your illness out loud, with somebody. You might also need to process any thoughts that rise to the surface, even though you have buried them deep down for years!

Put it this way: at times, I felt like I was cracking up! I had a real need to feel heard, seen and listened to.

I didn’t need to be fixed, I needed someone to be with me in the middle of the mess. I needed someone who could question my over-thinking and affirm me in the centre of my pain.

I haven’t wasted a penny on counselling, getting myself mentally healthy was completely worth it. You are worth it too.

Make sure you take time to think about what kind of medical attention would really help you in this season, if any. Get the right help for you.

Mistake #6: Allowing Hopelessness to Win

When I had post-viral fatigue, my life was put on hold. In hindsight, it was a good thing. But, at the time, I was so annoyed!

I wanted to apply to be a secondary school English teacher, yet I could barely revise for my exams, let alone apply for another course or job.

Hopelessness results in depression. Therefore, without hope, I found myself at rock bottom. Honestly, I can’t tell you how sad I felt.

I felt like there was no future for me.

I was losing friends, I was losing my life as I once knew it.

I was watching so much channel 4 reality T.V and televised Shakespeare plays! Honestly, I began worrying about fictional characters…

But God did something amazing.

In the midst of my hopeless internet-scrolling and T.V-watching, I found myself listening to an online Alpha course.

Alpha is a course that helps you ask big, meaningful questions about life and faith.

Through completing a version of Alpha, I realised that Jesus was real. I realised that he had died to forgive my sins. I learnt that Jesus was raised to life so that I could have hope, a future and meaning in my life.

My whole life changed for good.

I knew that as long as I had Jesus, I had something worth living for.

Whatever you do – get your hopes up.

Don’t waste your post-viral fatigue watching endless amounts of reality T.V, instead listen to something like Alpha.

Pray, or read the bible. Maybe join a faith-based online community like Havilah Cunnington’s Truth to Table or Lisa Bevere’s Messenger International.

I want to encourage you to set your mind on something good, in the middle of a long-term illness.

Conclusion

Maybe you’ve read this post and you are now thinking “there is no way I am going to change my life to accommodate my illness.” Perhaps you have kids to feed, a high-powered job and you think that you simply can’t afford to slow down and get help.

All I can say is: I want you to be healthy. I saw daily improvements when I finally made changes in my life. I slowed down, changed my living situation, worked part time, sought counselling and – seven years later – I can tell you it was all worth it!

I hope that, by listing my mistakes, you will feel encouraged and empowered to do what’s right for you.

If you are supporting someone with post-viral fatigue, know that they are going to need physical and mental help, which will be unique to their situation. You may need to ask questions in order to understand, and you may never understand perfectly. But try not to judge them and their situation harshly. Instead, give what you can. Time, money, food, help with the kids, or a listening ear. It all matters.

If you are suffering with post-viral fatigue, please know that you are not alone. There are people going through similar situations, wanting to connect. God is also with you, and He will guide you in all healing.