For the past month, I’ve been struggling to write to you.

Before that, I was on fire! I was finding old blog posts I had saved on my computer, I was editing them and finally getting round to pressing the ‘publish’ button, once – or twice – a week.

But, in the last four weeks, I have struggled to find any wise words to give to you.

I’ve tried to muster some up. I might have written a few worthwhile lines, but they are not yet cohesive. Nothing is making sense.

I wish I could now come up with some deep and meaningful revelation, as to explain why I’ve not been able to write a few encouraging paragraphs to you.

But the truth is… I’m empty.

And I wonder if that is the point.

There have been many topics that I could have written about. Heartbreaking news stories about racial divides and life in a pandemic, to mention a couple.

But I quite simply don’t have any words of wisdom to give you. I have only this to say: I think I have come to the end of myself.

I have exhausted self-reflection. I have asked myself: ‘Why do I think like that?’ ‘What have I learnt from lockdown?’ ‘How should I respond to devastating world news’ ‘What can I do better as a wife, as a mum, as a friend?’ ‘How can I improve as a leader, at my local church?’

Hear me say: I think self-reflection is a wonderful and positive thing.

But, I find myself writing to ask you: ‘is there such thing as too much self-reflection?’

Through self-reflection I have noticed that a lot of different areas of my life need to change.

And I made the mistake of thinking that I could change all of those different areas, simultaneously.

At some point, you and I have to lift up our hands and say ‘enough! I cannot physically, mentally or emotionally do this.’

And I wonder if it is at that point, where God steps in. That point where you realise that all you can do is not enough – that’s enough!

Jesus said:

“You’re blessed when you’re at the end of your rope. With less of you there is more of God and his rule.” Matthew 5:3, MSG

The Passion Translation puts it this way:

“What wealth is offered to you when you feel your spiritual poverty! For there is no charge to enter the realm of heaven’s kingdom.” Matthew 5:3, TPT

I feel like I have been bombarded with topics for self-reflection. Hear my heart; those topics are important. But I am tired of a message that says we must act like we have the answer, rather than admit defeat and raise our worn-out hands to Jesus – who really does have the answer.

So, if you are feeling hopeless or burnt-out, like you’ve got nothing spiritually left to give… If you are feeling like you don’t know which problem to solve first…

I am right there with you.

Let’s sit a while, with our arms in the air, saying ‘enough!’

You and I don’t have the answer to world problems. We don’t even have the answer to our personal problems. But Jesus does.

And I feel like, in a time where everyone is wanting us to self-reflect and do something, the best thing is actually to let God rule, while we simply rest in His presence.

Messages in the media tell us that if we do nothing, we are not doing enough. But Jesus says HE has done enough, and we can rest in that.

We can trust Him to guide us. You see, from that place of rest you will probably step into something incredible. But, until you enter that place, all the doing and trying will probably end up in burnout, hopelessness, anger, frustration and depression.

So go home. Take all the worries and problems you are trying to solve and take that list of things you want to change about yourself. Take your judgement about others social media reaction or non-reaction. Dump them at the doorway, just as you would dump bags, after coming home from a heavy shopping trip. Just put them down.

Then head over to your sofa, and rest. Cry, pray, drink tea or lift your hands to God.

He has got this.

He has a plan, even if you can’t possibly imagine it yet.

The bible says:

By faith Abraham, when called to go to a place he would later receive as his inheritance, obeyed and went, even though he did not know where he was going. Hebrews 11:8, NIV

When we don’t know what to do, when we don’t know where we are going and when we are at the end of ourselves. That is where we turn to Jesus. Our true source of strength.

My prayer for you, in this time, is that you would stop trying to overdose on self-reflection, like I did. Instead, come empty into the presence of God and rest.

He has got this. And that’s enough.