My son starts school in a few days.

Where did that time go?

As my baby boy enters a new season, I feel as though I am exiting an era that I do not want to leave.

It is like someone is pushing me out of a door, somewhat unwillingly!

My brain knows that there are things on the other side of the door that are worth seeing. Yet, my heart feels as though it was only allowed a short glimpse of an absolute wonderland.

A wonderland in which small humans grew inside of me and were gifted to my care. A wonderland where sleep evaded me, yet one by one, three precious babes found rest, their fluffy heads nestled upon my skin.

Do I want my middle child to go to school? Yes.

Do I want to leave a world where the washing is piled high with breastmilk-soaked muslin cloths? No.

Do I want to spend some quality time with my youngest, while the big two are at school? Yes.

Do I wish I could rewind to the night that I first brought her home; two “big” siblings chanting her name as I carried her over the threshold? Oh yes.

One of the most surreal things about leaving the baby season behind is this: Only God really remembers what you went through.

For instance, when my youngest stopped breastfeeding, I made a “keep note” and jotted down the date of her very last feed. To me: It felt monumental. All kids considered, I have spent four and a half years of my life breastfeeding.

Yet, there is no medal! No degree certificate! No one was even there to commemorate.

There is just the end.

Mothering under-fours is like that. You can go through days where you experience panic attacks in Tesco because the baby is crying, the toddler won’t move and you can’t carry your shopping with no spare hands… Followed by days where you and the babies eat donuts and dance to cheesy music with pink, neon lights in the background.

You learn things that only experience can teach. Things that are so personal to you and your babes.

And you learn things that others may benefit from, things that you have to awkwardly hold until someone asks for advice!

And so my question is this: How will I remember?

I’ve been reading the book of Joshua (you can check out my most recent post here.)

Last week, I talked about how Joshua led an army to victory, by following God’s presence.

In Joshua 3, we read that Captain Josh led the entire nation of Israel through the river Jordan. Probably a population of 2.5 million people. Plus 40,000 soldiers. Oh, and a bunch of priests.

Here’s the miracle: God stopped the Jordan river from flowing, so that Joshua could lead millions of people to safety.

Josh escaped his enemies and was successfully guided by God to his promised land.

The bible says:

Now the Jordan is at flood stage all during harvest. Yet as soon as the priests who carried the ark reached the Jordan and their feet touched the water’s edge,the water from upstream stopped flowing. It piled up in a heap a great distance away, at a town called Adam in the vicinity of Zarethan, while the water flowing down to the Sea of the Arabah (that is, the Dead Sea) was completely cut off. So the people crossed over opposite Jericho.

Joshua 3: 15 – 16, NIV.

So God stops this high river from running. And he actually stops it at Adam which is about 16 miles away from where the Israelites crossed.

This struck me: God makes sure they have enough land to walk across. He pulls those waters way back to ensure safe crossing.

It went from a river that was about to flood; to complete, dry land. No waterfalls. No splash. What should have been impossible was not just made possible, it was made – dare I say it – easy.

Well, as easy as a 5 day trek with millions could be!

He even stops it at a place called Adam! Symbolic of the first human created. He is in the business of rescuing us and has been since the very beginning.

He is a God of the details.

Once the nation of Israel crosses the Jordan, Josh does something (prompted by God):

He makes a way to remember.

So Joshua called together the twelve men he had appointed from the Israelites, one from each tribe,and said to them, “Go over before the ark of the Lord your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites,to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever.

Joshua 4: 4-7, NIV.

In the middle of the miracle God made a way for His people to remember the miracle.

He is a God of the details.

What gets me most about this is that God knew His people would forget. They would forget how He held back a mighty, overflowing river for their safe crossing! He knew and instead of scolding them for being ungrateful, He made a way for their children’s children to recall the beauty of what happened in that miraculous moment.

That tells me that God thinks remembering is important.

Verse 9 reads:

Joshua set up the twelve stones that had been in the middle of the Jordan at the spot where the priests who carried the ark of the covenant had stood. And they are there to this day.

Joshua 4: 9 NIV.

Now, this line makes me all emotional.

I “Googled” and no one in this day and age has found the stones that Joshua set up all those years ago.

They are unseen.

Hidden.

A secret memorial.

Created by Joshua, for God’s eyes only.

Never to be posted on Instagram. Never to be shared and liked, by thousands.

It is up to us to individually treasure and remember our most precious moments with God.

There are some things that should be solely between you and the God of heaven and earth.

Some things that shouldn’t make it on the Insta grid; they weren’t given for that.

We may not be able to show those memories to the world. But still, we must record and remember those times in which God parted mighty, rushing waters that maybe no one can see any evidence of.

For me, as I exit my baby season, I must remember to collect that which I can pass on to my children’s children.

Possibly for me the number one lesson I plan to pass down is this: listen to God and His plans for your motherhood journey. They might not be what you expect.

But also, as I exit my baby season, I must remember to collect that which no one will ever see or know about.

That which lies on the riverbed.

Moments in which I discovered God’s grace and kindness and beauty, all at once. Moments in which I only felt seen by Him. Moments in which my heart almost burst because I realised I was living His dream for my life.

And so, I will pull out scrapbooks. Dust them off, print off photos. Cut, stick, glue. And remember, with thanks to God, that I have lived a season that I quite simply do not want to leave behind.

I have seen God do something that has changed me, forever.

I have witnessed God’s miracle and I will carry the memory of it for all of eternity.

That is enough.

I wonder, is there a season in your life that has recently come to an end?

Are you struggling to move on?

Do you want to feel seen and heard?

Let Joshua’s river walk encourage you.

Maybe it’s time for you to create two memorials.

1. What lessons can you pass on to others from the season you have just walked through?
2. What miraculous moments did you share with God that only He witnessed? Will you remember these and treasure them, even if they remain unseen?

Let me know your thoughts in the comments.