“You are so harsh on yourself”.

“I think you are too harsh on yourself, Beth.”

“Be kind to yourself.”

I receive comments like these, often.

Truth is: I know I am harsh on myself. I know I need to be kinder to myself.

Let’s be honest: When I receive these comments it is usually because I have let someone into one small part of my thought life. I could quite easily give the telling reply: “There is a lot more where that came from…”

Usually, though, my reply is this: “How do I stop it?”

How do I stop being harsh on myself?

Please. Someone. Tell. Me. Now.

I have been stuck in that place for a while. Knowing I have an issue with self-criticism… making attempts to to heal the issue… but feeling like I never fully resolve it.

Until recently.

I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that I had been asking the Holy Spirit to show me one lie which I have been believing.

Just one.

Here is the thing:

• I know that I often believe the lie that I need approval from others.
• I know that I often believe the lie that I am not good enough.
• I know that I often believe the lie that I have messed up or failed, again.

(I could keep going…)

But a mentor challenged me to try and find one, big, fat juicy lie that was resting under all of these other untruths.

So I prayed.

I waited.

I came up with several options for God to pick from; had them listed on pages and pages of my journal…

Guys: I really struggled to hear God’s voice.

I heard a lot of self-criticism. The thoughts I heard were condemning.

And let me assure you: God is not condemning. He is love. He is kind.

Don’t get me wrong – God is challenging. He absolutely convicts. But always, He offers hope when He speaks. Never guilt, shame and a feeling of fear.

I knew I had yet to hear God’s clarity in my confusion. Overwhelm and chaos are not how God speaks.

But, one evening, I was slumped against my bedhead and I heard the small, still, voice of the Holy Spirit:

“You believe that you can’t do it.”

That’s it!

“I can’t.”

Two words, lying underneath a mess of:

• Insecurity and shame,
• Doubt and hopelessness,
• Fear and failure,
• Pride and perfection.

There’s a popular phrase in our modern British culture,

“She believed she could, so she did it.”

It is one of those phrases that I have seen a lot, but never considered much. I wrote it off as something that wasn’t really rooted in christianity. Rather, it was something that I imagined seeing on business journals or feminist t-shirts…

But here I was, realising that I did not believe I could overcome, so I was stuck.

Jesus had called me out.

The lie: I can’t do it.

The truth: With Him, I can do all things that He calls me to. (See Philippians 4: 13.)

I started thinking about different areas of my life: Faith, marriage, parenting, friendships, finances, preaching, writing and leading. In all of these things I began to realise that there was an underlying belief that I could not do it.

• I couldn’t do it right.
• I couldn’t do it as well as she could.
• I couldn’t do it because I wasn’t good enough.

It has been a big revelation for me. As though someone switched a light on and made me see what had been there all along.

And if you are struggling with self-criticism, I would absolutely recommend doing the same thing: Pray for the one lie, beneath it all.

–

If you’ve read my most recent blogs, you’ll know I have been reading the book of Joshua.

And this week, I sat on a local beach and read about a prostitute called Rahab, found in Joshua 2.

We don’t know a lot about Rahab. But we do know she was a prostitute and we do know that she was crazy-brave. Here’s a snapshot of the story in Joshua 2:

• Two Israelite spies enter Rahab’s house. (Remember the Israelites were God’s people.)
• These two men serve Joshua – the Israelite leader. Josh plan to take over the city in which Rahab lives.
• Rahab receives a message from her king, asking her to bring out the men that came to her house.
• She is a woman and a prostitute, it is highly likely that women were given little value in her society.
• Yet Rahab disobeys her king… and hides these two spies.
• She lies to her king, sending him on a wild goose chase away from her house.
• She then asks the spies to spare her life and the lives of her family, as she believes Joshua’s army will definitely win over her city.

Her actions were courageous.

Here’s the reason she gives:

“We have heard how the Lord dried up the water of the Red Sea for you when you came out of Egypt, and what you did to Sihon and Og, the two kings of the Amorites east of the Jordan, whom you completely destroyed. When we heard of it, our hearts melted in fear and everyone’s courage failed because of you, for the Lord your God is God in heaven above and on the earth below.”

Joshua 2: 10 – 11, NIV.

Rahab knows that the God of Joshua – the God of the two spies in her home – is the one, true God.

She knows God will win. She believes God will win her city.

Why? Because she has heard of His victory against Egypt, Sihon, Og and the Amorites.

She has heard of His mighty hand; God is revealed to this woman as powerful and victorious.

And what does she ask for? KINDNESS.

She shows kindness to Joshua’s spies and asks for kindness in return.

“Now then, please swear to me by the Lord that you will show kindness to my family, because I have shown kindness to you. Give me a sure sign that you will spare the lives of my father and mother, my brothers and sisters, and all who belong to them—and that you will save us from death.”

Joshua 2: 12 – 13, NIV.

Breakthrough begins when you let kindness in.

And letting kindness in involves letting the Holy Spirit in.

Letting His leadership and His voice speak into confusion, chaos and self-criticism.

Kindness was received by Joshua’s army and from that moment on, they were one step closer to living in a land that had been promised to them for years and years.

A land of hope, flowing with milk and honey.

Maybe, like me, you are too harsh on yourself.

And you are so tired of hearing people tell you to be kinder, without knowing where to begin.

You want to break free from self-criticism and live a life that doesn’t involve daily visits to the same old sticky-stuck thinking circles? My tip: Let the kindness of God in.

Start by asking Him to gently guide you to that one big, fat, juicy lie hiding underneath your own stored-up pile of self-criticism.

And then: Simply receive His kindness.

Allow Him to speak truth over you. Ask Him for a Bible verse that you can hold onto.

Remember, His words are not

• Confusing

• Condemning

• Hopeless

Instead:

• His voice is gentle.

• His words come with hope.

• And what he says can always, always be backed up by biblical truths.

Let me know in the comments if you are praying for a breakthrough in your thought-life and I will pray for you.