I’ve always felt uncomfortable reading the bible story of Ananias and Sapphira, found in Acts chapter 5.

For context: After his resurrection, Jesus left Peter as leader of His early church. Jesus then sent the Holy Spirit to fill every heart who would believe in Him. 

The early church was a bunch of Jesus-followers that shared everything. They sold property and then shared it out among each other so that no one lacked anything. The bible says that they were one mind, one heart – utter unity. They were filled with the Spirit of God and they preached the good news that Jesus forgives sin.

Ananias and Saphhira were members of this early church. 

They sold a plot of land. But, instead of giving all profits to the early church community, they kept some back for themselves. And they chose to lie. Hide their financial gain from the others; hide it from God.

Here’s what we read in Acts 5:

Then Peter said, “Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land? Didn’t it belong to you before it was sold? And after it was sold, wasn’t the money at your disposal? What made you think of doing such a thing? You have not lied just to human beings but to God.”  When Ananias heard this, he fell down and died. And great fear seized all who heard what had happened. 

Acts 5: 3 – 5, NIV, my emphasis.

Ananias was filled with the Holy Spirit, yet he chose to lie to God’s spirit within him. He chose to, instead, let Satan fill his heart.

And the reason I feel uncomfortable reading this story is because, as a result of his deceit, the man drops dead! There and then: Ananias drops down and takes his final breath.

He lies and then dies.

This is an actual account, a true story of what happened in the early church. 

For me, it is one of those stories that makes me check myself:

• Am I lying?
• Is there any deceit in me?
• Am I being completely honest before God?

Yesterday, I was praying for a breakthrough in a certain area of my life. And when it didn’t happen, I started to get confused:

• Why didn’t God show up in the way I expected?

But today, I took an orange sheet of paper, and I wrote down all of the facts about the situation I am praying for. 

Like, the real facts. The worries, the doubts, the fears. My sin; my honest reaction to stress and tough stuff.

Here’s what I realised: Sometimes, I pray for a miracle without realising that I am the real miracle. My transformation, by God’s grace and power is a real testament to His goodness. Not circumstantial changes, but heart changes.

What I mean is, God – from the beginning – has only, always, ever wanted: US. Just as we are. Orange honesty sheets written, no covering or trying to make things seem frilly. Just US, with all of our brokenness. 

When He gets us as we are:

• Then He can do wonders in and through us. 

• Then He can change things for us. 
• Then He can lead us into better ways of living.

It’s a “THEN HE” situation.

It’s us coming before Him in all honesty, and Him doing the other stuff. (The healing, the leading, the fixing.) 

He’s the miracle-worker, we are the miracle-in-working.

He makes our lives a complete wonder and miracle and testament to His glory and goodness. And we just get to praise Him for it.

But if we refuse to be honest about all of our stuff, then God cannot do the wonders and the works. 

When we hold back, we set ourselves up to fail. 

Why? Because we hold back from the only one who can make a real difference to our lives.

And the truth is, we don’t often hold back knowingly: 

• We hold back out of shame or guilt. 
• We hold back because we don’t believe that things can be any better. 
• We hold back out of pride, not wanting to let others know we are really struggling. 

We hold back for so many valid reasons and that is why it is important to step back and check ourselves, saying: What is really going on?

In the words of the Psalmist:

Search me, God, and know my heart;

test me and know my anxious thoughts.

See if there is any offensive way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 139: 23 – 24, NIV.

There is grace. God’s really good at calling people out on their sin. In Acts 5, Peter gives Sapphira chance to tell the truth:

About three hours later his wife came in, not knowing what had happened. 8 Peter asked her, “Tell me, is this the price you and Ananias got for the land?”

Acts 5: 7 – 8, NIV.

Sadly, Sapphira didn’t take her chance to tell the truth and she als dropped dead.

Yet, all through the bible we see stories of honesty and repentance. 

Even back in the Old Testament, we see King David committing adultery and murder. God sends Nathan – a prophet – to give David a chance to change his ways. David listens to Nathan and does admit his faults. He does turn to God for forgiveness and God shows David mercy and redemption, even in a time before Jesus. (See 2 Samuel 12.)

So, what I am saying is this: Get your orange sheet out!

Get your orange sheet out and write down every thought, fact and detail about the matter you are praying about.

Be honest with yourself and with God’s spirit inside of you.

• What is going on?
• How do you really feel about it?
• How are you practically coping with what’s going on? Any bad habits? Why, when?

God’s not looking for perfection. He’s not expecting you to be a good and faultless human. It does not matter if you have years of Christianity under your belt and if you are a highly esteemed person among others.

No, God is wanting to get to the truth behind the matter that you are bringing to Him in prayer. He just wants you, as you are.

The nitty, gritty truth about how that thing that you pray for is making you feel and think and react. 

He wants to fix it, He wants to heal you and He wants to work it all out for your good.

But it’s your choice to let him in on the truth, or not.

So, yeah, Ananais and Sapphira continues to be a story that makes me feel ridiculously uncomfortable, because it reminds me that I am called to come to my God, messy. 

With brokenness, sin, all the awkward thoughts and stuff I don’t like about myself. Honest and at His feet. Ready to become the miracle I’m praying for, by the work of His hands.

Maybe you also need to check yourself today. Maybe you are holding something back – could be subconsciously – but it’s something that needs to make its way to the truth table. I am praying you’ll have opportunity to lay it all out and witness the true mercy and grace of God.