It was Friday. I’d had a busy morning looking after my two little people.

Then, I noticed the clock. It was approaching 3pm. 

I felt nervous.

Anxious thoughts began to fill my mind…

“Will my friend be here on time to babysit? 

Will I be late for my appointment? 

What if I get there on time, but I have to wait for ages? 

What if I can’t take anything in, because I’m too desperate for a wee?! 

Will everything be O.K, at the appointment? 

What will I think and feel? 

What will people think, when I tell them about the appointment?”

While those thoughts were still playing out in my mind… My friend arrived to look after the kids. Then, my husband picked me up and we got to the hospital early.

A new set of anxious thoughts grew, as I arrived at the hospital – “What if they won’t see me and I have waited this long? How many weeks will I have to wait?”

But… as this new set of thoughts developed, I walked into a waiting room to see my name on the screen, straight away. 

It was my turn to go in. No cancellation, no fretting in a hospital waiting room; I just walked straight through.

The sonographer was lovely. Patient and kind.

I unraveled the maternity leggings that I was secretly wearing under my dress and lay on the bed, in view of a small screen.

One cold dash of gel and one small camera held across my belly. Then…

One perfect image of one very real baby, on that wonderful, small screen.

A few, gentle tears of relief and complete awe streamed across my face. 

In this peaceful meeting, I could feel God’s presence. His kindness. This sense that He’s always waiting for me to walk straight into His grace.

And ever since that moment, I feel like He is saying to me: “You can go straight through, Beth.”

“Straight through, into my grace.”

And so the questions I have are like this: 

• If you and I can simply walk into His grace, why do we stall? 
• Why do we sometimes walk away from it? 
• Why is it hard for someone like me to put down anxiety and press on into the truth of His kindness, goodness and love? 
• Why put off full healing?

There’s a lot of amazing stories in the bible. One that holds a very special place in my heart can be found in the book of Mark, chapter 5. (It can be found in other gospels, too.)

The story begins with two men: Jarius and Jesus.

Jarius says to Jesus:

“My little daughter is dying. Please come and put your hands on her so that she will be healed and live.”

Mark 5: 23, NIV.

Jesus goes with Jarius and a large crowd follows and presses around Him. (See verse 24).

Just then, a sick woman touches Jesus and she is healed.

The woman is described as someone who had been: “Subject to bleeding for twelve years.” (Mark 5:25, NIV.)

Here’s what the scripture says:

When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, because she thought, “If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.” Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.

Mark 5: 27 – 29, NIV.

Here’s what strikes me: Both Jarius and the woman with the issue of blood believe that Jesus can heal broken bodies.

They don’t doubt it. One wants His hands, the other wants His cloak, but they are both sure that Jesus can heal physical ailments.

What is surprising though, is Jesus does more.

Our woman does not simply touch Jesus’ cloak and run home with a healed body. (Although that would have still counted as an excellent miracle.)

Jesus feels power leave His body when this woman touches Him. And He searches for her. He asks to find the person that touched His cloak.

The bible reads:

But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it.  Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet and, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth.  He said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.”

Mark 5: 32 – 34, NIV.

There’s so much I love about this encounter. 

Jesus doesn’t refer to this woman as “The Woman With The Issue Of Blood”, He calls her “Daughter.” 

He relates Himself to her so closely, in front of a large crowd of people that would have possibly shunned her from their society.

In fact, it feels like every word Jesus says exists to heal her heart. Her emotions. Her trauma.

He is not content to just leave this woman with physical healing, He wants her fully healed. Healed from the issue of blood, healed from heartbreak.

He tells her: “Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” 

That’s it! That’s what He is telling me. 

“Beth, go in peace.”

Now is not the time to cling to old trauma, it’s not time to stay in patterns of thinking that I am so familiar with. It is time to walk through, straight into His grace. 

Maybe He is saying the same to you today: Go. In. Peace.

If we look at verse 29, we know our woman believed in her physical healing: “She felt in her body she was freed from her suffering.”

But Jesus is telling the woman that she is not just freed physically but mentally and emotionally.

She can leave all of the baggage and shame of the illness behind. She can move on completely. He looks into her heart and tells her what she really needs to hear in order to be truly free.

I wonder: What happened to the woman next?

Did she accept her full freedom and live her best life?

Did she still cling on to past hurt and pain? 

Twelve years is such a long time, she must have picked up so many coping mechanisms. There must have been such a great deal of practiced, self-rejection.

As the story continues, Jesus is told that Jarius’ daughter is dead.

The crowds say: “Why bother the teacher anymore?” (Mark 5:35, NIV.)

Yet, Jesus tells Jarius: “Don’t be afraid; just believe.” (Mark 5: 36, NIV.)

When the bad news comes in – when the worst happens – Jesus tells Jarius to just believe!

He ignores the naysayers. In fact, it seems like Jesus is trying to get Jarius to focus on His voice instead of the “why bother” comments and the wailing and crying and commotion.

Here’s how the story ends:

After he put them all out, he took the child’s father and mother and the disciples who were with him, and went in where the child was. He took her by the hand and said to her, “Talitha koum!” (which means “Little girl, I say to you, get up!”) Immediately the girl stood up and began to walk around (she was twelve years old). At this they were completely astonished. He gave strict orders not to let anyone know about this, and told them to give her something to eat.

Mark 5: 40 – 43, NIV.

This girl was twelve years old – the same number of years that our woman with the issue with blood had suffered. 

Jesus doesn’t just lay hands on the little girl to heal, as her father initially asks. He raises her from dead to life. He does more.

She is brought to life and she immediately walks around and then is given something to eat. 

I don’t know what was wrong with the girl prior to this moment, but it is clear that all pain has been lifted from this family. They are completely astonished. 

What I learn from this story is this: Full healing comes only from Jesus. It’s already ours to access.

But sometimes it’s about letting Jesus do more than we want Him to do. 

Sometimes, it’s about letting Him lead you into full emotional healing, not just physical. And sometimes that can feel hard.

Sometimes we like to go over the “dead” stuff, rather than step into life. 

Sometimes choosing grace looks like a daily letting go. At the moment, whenever I think about past trauma I feel like God is just saying: “Let go. You can go through into grace, not back into pain.”

I wonder how many times the woman with the issue with blood had to remind herself that she wasn’t that woman anymore! That she was daughter to Jesus. That she had a new, full life to step into and explore. 

Maybe you, too, need to walk through, straight into God’s grace? 

Maybe you need to let go of what’s dead? 

Let go of the thoughts that are not serving you. Let go of the past. Let go of the shame. 

Maybe, there is more, for both of us. And maybe you and I are the only people stopping our own full healing.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments below.