This weekend, my husband and I had a night away from the kids, in order to celebrate my stunning cousin’s wedding.

Thanks to the generosity of amazing friends, we were able to stay in a lovely hotel, surrounded by picturesque Yorkshire fields and trees. (Naturally, my northern accent grew broader every second I was there!)

We danced, we chatted, and I watched my hubby eat 4 breakfast servings…

But, for me, the most profound moment of the weekend, happened in our car.

Before we had even arrived at our destination, I had a moment of revelation.

This is how it happened: I was sat in passenger’s seat, I had just enjoyed watching a live Youtube video (one of my oldest friend’s was also getting married that day.)

 We were 20 minutes away from our hotel and I really wanted to buy some make-up for myself.

My husband said this to me: “Pray about it, ask God if you think it is right. If you want to go shopping, we will go.”

So, I prayed.

When I prayed, I felt like God said was O.K to go and purchase the make-up.

So, we went shopping and, as a result, I wore make-up to my cousins wedding for the first time in ages.

Why am I telling you this?

This incident made me so aware of how I view God.

The bible says this:

“The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!”

Matthew 6: 22 – 23. NIV.

It is easy for you and I to view God as someone who doesn’t want us to have fun.

• Doesn’t want us to spend money on ourselves…
• Doesn’t want us to party…
• Doesn’t want us to be in that relationship…
• Doesn’t want us to make that choice…
• Doesn’t want us to agree with that thing…

When our view of who God is becomes unhealthy, we walk in darkness.

When we see God as someone who is mean, cruel, unkind and frustrating… We switch the light off inside of us.

The truth is: God absolutely loves us.

He is kind to us. He is ready to gift us with amazing things – the make-up and the free hotel night were his gifts to me this weekend. But He has even better than that!

He’s full of surprises and gifts.

He’s got good stuff planned for us. And if you are anything like me you will have a hard time trusting Him for the good stuff.

It is tricky for me to let His grace into my heart.

Grace says God loves me even when I make the wrong choice.

Grace is the truth that if I had blown that money on make-up without his blessing, He would still love me just as much as if I had prayed and asked Him about my big spend.

If we believe in Jesus, grace is there, for the taking. It’s a better life than we could have ever attained for ourselves. It’s a life in which God is good to us, faithful to us and kind to us, even when we make bad choices.

In the bible, Jesus says this:

“But go and learn what this means: “I desire mercy, not sacrifice.” For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”

Matthew 9:13, NIV.

He doesn’t want us to get ultra-religious: Attempting to please Him by sticking to a set of rules.

His desire is to give us mercy. That means when we mess up, we don’t get punished. Instead, we get grace. We get Jesus.

The night after I had been to my cousin’s wedding, I sat in the hotel room and prayed. As I was praying my mind kind of drifted off. Yet, I just had this sense that drifting was O.K.

I didn’t have to be legalistic in my prayers. I could relax and get more sleep if I wanted. I didn’t have to go to church that day; God knows I am committed to His church and on this particular Sunday it was fine to just rest and be with Him.

I told God that I was worried about some stuff that’s happening in the next year and He reminded me that God wants what is best for me in the year ahead and He is bigger than all of my decisions. He can direct me, redirect me, provide for me, show me and send me.

So, today, I am writing to you to tell you that no matter who you are and what you have done, God loves you and is waiting to gift you with a bunch of grace.

And I feel like some of you just have this sense of guilt. I know I do – like I should be working harder, doing more, making stuff happen.

A general sense of guilt is very rarely God.

Conviction from God is usually very specific and He leads us to repentance and forgiveness. It has a clear end.

Guilt and feeling continuously messy inside for no reason, is usually a sign that we need to check our view of God.

• Are our eyes healthy?
• Are we letting the truth of his light in?
• Are we living as though He is constantly fed up with us?

God loves each and every one of us. He has miracles and incredible journeys planned for us. But we can’t access that stuff if we don’t see Jesus for who He really is.

• Kind.
• Humble.
• Merciful.

Jesus is desperate for conversation and connection with you.

Jesus is more compassionate than you ever experienced: He understands why you did what you did.

Jesus is able to heal the darkest parts of you, should you just bring them to His light.

• Maybe it’s time to turn off that inner critic?
• Maybe it’s time to question the mean God you imagine in your mind?
• Maybe your view of Him is a little unhealthy?

Whatever is going on with you, I pray your heart would begin to melt a little as you read words of His kindness and love towards you.

I felt it right to end with a prayer, this week:

Lord, heal my vision. I want to see all that you truly are. I choose to let your kindness in. Show me how kind you really are, in a way that I can understand, this week. Help me walk in the grace you have gifted to me. I know that I can’t please you with striving and guilt. I choose to believe you love me and you are for me. Amen.