Recently, I’ve been getting ahead of myself.

Thing is: I know some of the big headlines concerning what I want to do with my life. And I’ve been trying to make those headlines happen… quickly.

But there are chapters to be written before reaching the next headline. There’s a journey, a process to live out before seeing some of the things I believe God has for me.

To sum up: I’ve been trying to get to where I want to be, without appreciating where I am at now.

• Where I am at now is full-time stay at-home-mum. It is two children under the age of three. It is cuddles and hair-tugs from the littlest. Emotions and questions from the biggest.
• Where I am at now is one income. It is discipline and miracles. It is mistakes and grace. It’s “How are we going to get through?” and “Praise God! We made it another month!”
• Where I am at now is stretched. It is packed evenings and weekends. It is meetings and calendars. It is trying to establish priorities and rhythm, yet never really knowing how to squeeze everything in.

Most importantly, where I am now is loved. Loved by a good God that does not feel disappointed in me, even at my most fraught.

This morning, I ran around a small town looking for a coffee shop to write in. But, this town I am in is a holiday town. Coffee shops are not set up for writers who want to plug laptops in and stay for hours. Instead, it is a town of coffee shops set up for beachcombers wanting a takeout or a seafood sandwich!

It felt quite apt that I should be running around trying to make something happen that wasn’t fitting of the space that I am currently in.

I need to learn how to enjoy the season that God has me in now, just as I needed to learn how to adapt to the town that I am currently staying in.

How do I do that?

Thing is: it is easy for me to say my priorities are God, my husband and my children. I am good at organising. I can set a reminder to read my bible and jot Tuesday date night on the fridge calendar… but, that isn’t the point.

Truth be told, I can go a week without really talking to Jesus and I can do the same in all of my other relationships, too. Despite what is written on the calendar… reading my bible or attending a date night does not equal connection, presence and life.

For me, this is a heart issue. It’s about separating performance from relationship.

It might be better to ask questions like:

• Can I honestly say I have prioritised my connection with God this week?
• Can I hand-on-heart state that I am pursuing connection with my husband and kids, as well?

And these questions are not so that I can perform better next week, they are to help me refocus. If I didn’t genuinely connect with God this week, then what went wrong? What did I get caught up in? What could I have said “no” to in order to say “yes” to my priorities.

Another way to be present in this season is to prioritise rest. Let’s face it: if I am prioritising important relationships, I should probably prioritise my relationship with myself.

One wonderful friend has been asking me what fills my tank, for weeks! I still don’t really know what does make me feel full of life and well-rested.

So another three questions to help me embrace this season could be:

• What fills me with energy and makes me feel well-rested?
• Have I managed to rest this week?
• Have I had enough rest this week?

Where I am now is in performance-overdrive.

And while I have written about the benefits of being an achiever, this is certainly the downside.

But, I think the key to overcoming performance-overdrive is to be honest before God.

I could easily turn the questions I’ve written in this post into weekly tick boxes instead of taking time to be honest before God and actually check myself.

It’s about hitting the brakes and properly assessing where I am at right now.

Maybe some of you are in a similar situation. I hope that you would allow yourself to truly stop.

Of course, that’s hard because only you and God will really know when you’ve allowed your heart to rest up and realign. This is about what’s on the inside of you, rather than what you do on the outside.

Praying you’d have grace for yourself and God would gift you with wisdom for the weeks ahead.