This week I have learnt three keys to help me walk through disappointment well. I thought I would share them in today’s post.

Key #1: Reset your Expectation

It is no secret that I have found the past year of my life mentally challenging.

Staying at home with two very little children is harder than I ever thought it would be.

I laid in bed next to my husband last night and I grumbled something like this:

“I love my son so much. But, I don’t like that first year of his life has been so mentally difficult for me. I wanted to enjoy every second of it. I will never get this time back.”

Eek… My expectations are so high!

How did I ever think I would enjoy every second of changing nappies, emptying potties and synchronised screaming?!

But, it’s true: I wanted to be a supermum, I wanted to do this parenting thing… “right.” (Whatever that means!)

I often set unrealistic expectations like that.

Expectations that are out of the ordinary. Expectations that are whimsical and romantic and wonderful.

Now, hear me say: Not all expectations are bad.

But: Disappointment happens when our expectations are outside of God.

I’ve been reading the book of Esther, found in the bible.

Esther, chapter 9, tells a story of God turning a situation around. The chapter opens:

On the thirteenth day of the twelfth month, the month of Adar, the edict commanded by the king was to be carried out. On this day the enemies of the Jews had hoped to overpower them, but now the tables were turned and the Jews got the upper hand over those who hated them. 

Esther 9:1, NIV, my exaggerations.

Here’s what this bit of scripture shows me: Only God turns things around.

We don’t need to put expectation in anyone apart from the one true table-turner.

The Jews needed God. Their expectation was in God.

Because this was so, scripture reads:

No one could stand against them, because the people of all the other nationalities were afraid of them. 

Esther 9: 2, NIV.

I wonder: Is your expectation in the one that nobody else can stand against?

If not, maybe now is your time to repent and put your expectation on God, not on your own ability.

Key #2: Put all Disappointment on the Table

Last week, I had a birthday. I was 30.

Those of you in my generation will know that turning 30 is kind of a big deal. Especially on Instagram.

Sadly, I allowed my brain to put a bunch of hope in what my “big, special” birthday would look like.

As a result: I faced some disappointment.

(Note to friends and family: It definitely wasn’t all bad and I have been well blessed since the rainy day!)

To be honest, I wanted to run away from post-birthday stress and disappointment. I wanted to just move on. My thoughts were:

“30 wasn’t what I expected, let’s get to the next event. My son turns one in April…”

But then, two wonderful people asked me something along the lines of:

“Have you had time to process your disappointment yet?”

My thoughts this time, were angry:

“…Excuse me? You want me to think about how disappointed I am? I have to mentally revisit it and feel all the feels? No way!”

In the bible, Esther chapter 9 shows us what happens when God’s people bring their disappointment to Him. He turns it around:

For Haman son of Hammedatha, the Agagite, the enemy of all the Jews, had plotted against the Jews to destroy them […] But when the plot came to the king’s attention, he issued written orders that the evil scheme Haman had devised against the Jews should come back onto his own head, and that he and his sons should be impaled on poles.

Esther 9: 24 – 25, NIV, my abbreviations.

When we let God see all of our disappointment – He can do something with it. He can turn it into a lesson. He can bring joy from it.

So, I wrote in my journal about all of the ugly disappointment lurking within me and I flung it God’s way.

I made my peace with it and said:

 “God it wasn’t what I thought, but I choose to accept it happened and that you will turn it for good.”

Maybe you are reading this with disappointment in your heart.

Maybe you don’t want to admit it.

It’s time to face the music. Write it out, make space for all of your feelings and let God show you how to move forward.

When I started writing I imagined a picture of the bare bones of a pram!

I pictured the structure of a pram: Before the fancy cover, posh hood and cosy sleeping blanket goes on top…

Before the cute baby goes in it, wearing a posh outfit and clutching an on-trend toy!

With disappointment I think we have to look at the gorgeous picture of the baby in the pram and then start to pull off all the layers.

Why did we put the baby in the picture? Why did we imagine there would be a gorgeous pram?

What is underneath the disappointment and can we turn that over to God?

Key #3: Call Yourself an Overcomer

In the book of Esther, when the Jews overcame their enemies they really celebrated.

In fact, they set a rule for all generations to remember the time of God’s deliverance:

Mordecai […]sent letters to all the Jews throughout the provinces of King Xerxes, near and far, to have them celebrate annually the fourteenth and fifteenth days of the month of Adar as the time when the Jews got relief from their enemies, and as the month when their sorrow was turned into joy and their mourning into a day of celebration. He wrote them to observe the days as days of feasting and joy and giving presents of food to one another and gifts to the poor.

Esther 9: 20 – 22, NIV, my abbreviations and exaggerations.

When I was pregnant, people told me not to listen to traumatic birth stories.

Books told me to stay away from those with horrific birth tales. I even watched an online course that told me not to watch television programmes in which people gave birth.

I 100% understand why that advice was given.

Yet, when I then went on to have a traumatic birth, I felt that there was no place to share my story.

Yet, in the bible story of Esther – the Jews were encouraged to remember how their trauma was turned to joy.

It makes me wonder: Did they want to remember all of their story? Did they want to remember the segregation and the terror of facing annihilation? The bit before God saved the day…

I want to encourage you today: You can share all of your story. Share how God turned your disappointment into joy.

Call yourself an overcomer: You walked through something hard, with God.

You are allowed to remember and celebrate the whole story of how God brought you through.

I want you to know today that whatever your story is it is valid and real and it will help someone.

When my daughter asks about her birth I will say:

“I was disappointed that I had to be induced.

I was disappointed that I didn’t get to push you out.

I was disappointed that labour was so dramatic; void of calm.

I was so, very disappointed that I didn’t get to hold you, with both hands, as soon as you entered this world.

But God was with me. And He turned all of that disappointment round for good. And now I am an overcomer, because of Him.”

Some encouragement for your week…

I am a bit of a dreamer.

So, in order to recover from living in a bit of a fairy-tale future, it is important for me to reset any wayward expectations. It’s crucial that I am honest before God.

But, it is really important that I choose to remember that He calls me an overcomer.

I walked with God through some tough times and He brought me out stronger.

You are an overcomer, too.

And I pray you will let these words be an encouragement to you, wherever you are in your struggle with disappointment this week.