It was a 60’s-style building. Old, parquet floor; everything dark brown and dingy.

A bunch of university students – including me – queued up outside one, particular door. It opened and we slowly shuffled in.

Confident, the other students started talking about poems we had been assigned to read, earlier that week.

The students had varying views; all of them had lots of things to say.

All, except me.

I stayed quiet… Until…

The tutor asked a question about one, specific, romantic poem. (I forget which one!)

All I know is: my tutor asked a question and he was tired of textbook answers. In fact, he disregarded a lot of answers, until there was an awkward silence. A silence in which you could see frustrated students trying to come up with something to break the awkwardness of the moment.

He kept asking questions like: “Think about it, what does it mean?”

My heart raced. I had an answer… An answer that no one else had given.

But I didn’t want to be shot down, like the others had. I didn’t want to embarrass myself…

Face red, I blurted out a quick sentence about what that poem meant to me. My palms were sweaty and I thought my heart was actually going to explode inside my chest.

The tutor surprised me with an excited: “Yes!”

It was the answer he wanted!

That moment has stuck with me. I can still feel the nerves to this day!

Regardless of how blunt he had been, that tutor affirmed my own viewpoint. He encouraged me to think for myself.

I’ve been pondering this, in the last week: How much do I think for myself? How often do I just accept what others say, without questioning it?

If I am honest, I wonder if I had learnt to think for myself earlier in my degree, would I have scored a higher mark? Instead of copying and pasting other critics, it is important to read… but then think for yourself.

Jesus was great at asking questions.

There is a story in the bible in which Jesus asked one of His closest friends an important question:

When [Jesus and the disciples] had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”

“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”

Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”

The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my sheep.

John 21: 15 – 17, NIV.

I love this story. Jesus had died on a cross and was rose to life. This was the third time he had appeared to his disciples.

Right before Jesus’ death, Simon Peter had denied Jesus three times. But here Simon Peter is, sat with the risen Lord, having a breakfast of fish that Jesus had just miraculously summoned from the water.

Simon Peter is sat face to face with His friend and His saviour. Jesus; the one who knows everything.

Jesus knows Peter loves Him. Yet, He asks: “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”

It’s really easy to say: “Yes, sure – I love you Jesus.”

But Jesus doesn’t just probe once, He asks twice more:

“Simon son of John, do you love me?”

Simon gets hurt because Jesus asks Him three times. He is frustrated.

This reminds me of that day in which my university tutor was probing for an original answer from his class. He let it get awkward until the truth came out.

Today, I get the feeling some of us need to probe a bit deeper. Some of us need to ask ourselves a few times: “Do we honestly love Jesus more than anything else?”

• How often we look into Jesus’ eyes and tell Him that He is everything to us?
• How often do we copy others – saying what they say, but never truly thinking to answer this question for ourselves?
• How often do we say: “Yes, I love you Lord.” Yet we live our lives without Him at the centre?

Thing is: this week, I’ve been feeling anxious.

I’ve always known anxiety is a sign of a blocked goal. For instance, one goal might be to get my son to sleep… but if my son wakes up he has blocked my goal, making me feel out of control and anxious.

But when we make our goal to love God with all our hearts, all out minds and all of our souls, we can’t lose.

When we make our goal to just be the woman or man of God that we were created to be, we can’t lose.

I think anxiety has been triggered within me because my goals have been set to control my own circumstances. In other words: I’m trying to create a perfect life.

Jesus talks about struggle in the bible. Hate to break it to you, but He says: “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16: 33, NIV. (Shortened version!)

You can’t control the trouble today, but you can reset your motives to something of this effect: Love Jesus. Love your neighbour. Love yourself.

When Jesus asks Simon Peter: “Simon son of John, do you love me?”He does so three times, not just to probe Simon Peter’s motives – but to redeem his friend.

Simon Peter had denied Jesus three times; Jesus redeems Him with a question of love, asked three times.

I want to remind us of this: Jesus is the one who redeems. When all things are out of control and you can’t fix it – Praise God! You were not meant to fix it but Jesus absolutely was sent to fix it all.

He was sent so that we can live a full rich life. A life of grace, which is favour that we don’t deserve but we get to enjoy anyway.

It’s Jesus that does the redeeming and it’s you that gets to tell Him that you love Him. You love Him. You love Him.

I don’t know what kind of day you are having. Truly, it’s been a tough week for me. But this is a time for holding fast to Jesus. This is a time for checking your motives and looking into the eyes of the one who can put things right, even when you can’t.

Going back to the story I shared at the beginning of this post: That day, at university, I was not confident to boldly answer my tutors probing questions. I was like burning on the inside, but not confident to let it out.

Now is a time to be confident in Jesus inside and out. When nothing makes sense, we can be boldly confident that He is and forever will be.

He is your defender.

He is the one that gets you through this season change.

He is the one that goes before and stands behind.

He is your redeemer.

He is the one that loved you first so that you get to spend your days loving Him. Loving Him. Loving Him.