I woke up early this morning.

Like, 5am early.

Anxious thoughts whirring around in my head. Fears about my unborn baby. I was drinking in every lie that Satan fed me in those early hours.

“If you don’t do this, maybe this will happen.”

“If you don’t act on these fears, something will go wrong…”

I don’t know if you’ve had nights like that?

Nights where you just want to turn your brain volume right down. You want to hit a ‘peace’ button and just go back to sleep, please!

After getting out of bed, I had this phrase in my mind…

“Perfect love casts out fear.”

I had forgotten that the opposite of fear isn’t peace; it is perfect love.

The bible puts it this way:

“Love never brings fear, for fear is always related to punishment. Love’s perfection drives the fear of punishment far from our hearts. Whoever walks constantly afraid of punishment has not reached love’s perfection. Our love for others is our grateful response to the love God first demonstrated to us.”

1 John 4: 18 – 19 TPT.

Another version puts it this way:

“There is no fear in love [dread does not exist]. But perfect (complete, full-grown) love drives out fear, because fear involves [the expectation of divine] punishment, so the one who is afraid [of God’s judgment] is not perfected in love [has not grown into a sufficient understanding of God’s love].”

1 John 4: 18 – 19, AMP, my emphasis.

Honestly, I used to read these verses and think that the reason I was fearing is because I wasn’t complete – I hadn’t been “perfected in love.” I thought that maybe one day I would have to put effort in to reaching this place of being perfected in love and when I earned that status, then I wouldn’t fear.

But that’s not true.

What God is saying is that His love is perfect. Fear is a sign that we don’t quite understand how complete God’s love already is.

In other words – God is never, ever going to punish you. He is not waiting for you to mess up. His love is not conditional. It’s not a love that requires you to be a certain way, or do a certain thing.

The fact that I was fearful showed that – in that moment – I was not confident in God’s love for me.

I lay awake thinking that I had a part to play, something to do to make things right between me and God. I thought I had to earn His love towards me. But God is saying that things are right between me and Him – because He made it so.

He sent His son to die for you and me, taking all the punishment for our mistakes. He never wanted to scald us or teach us a mean lesson. He just wanted to love us. That’s His heart. That’s what God really wants: for us to simply receive His love.

A few days ago, I asked God to show me any lies I had been believing that day.

I saw a picture of a street in darkness. A light was shining on something, but I was distracted by the darkness.

I feel like God is saying, to you and I: “Don’t focus on all the bad things; all the things you think you are doing wrong. Instead, focus on the good. What is unseen is eternal.”

He continues…

“You cannot imagine my love for you, you can’t grasp it. Your flesh doesn’t want you to believe my love is real, it doesn’t want to let go of striving.”

Some of us can’t imagine what it is like to be loved – to be chosen, time and time again, despite our faults and mess-ups.

Some of us believe we could be loved if only we prove that we’ve overcome our faults. We feel we can get to a place where we deserve love for all our efforts of being a good person.

But, there is a love that sees you as you are and chooses you, time and time again. There is a love that loves you just as much on your worst day, as on your best day. There is a love that no amount of striving can ever deserve. A true love that would heal every broken part of you and forgive every one of your mistakes 70 x 7 times, over and over again.

There is a love that maps out an amazing adventure for you and keeps giving you keys to this adventure, no matter how many times you choose other paths.

We go towards darkness because we think that’s about as much love as we deserve.

We have levels of love in our heads and we say: “yeah, I will take that level, but not that level…” As if we have a choice!

Real love is complete. It’s devoted. It pursues us even when we run away from it.

Here’s what the bible says:

Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening]. Love never fails [it never fades nor ends].

1 Corinthians 14:8, AMP my emphasis.

One day this week, I had a bad dream. When I was in the nightmare I felt that I could wake up from the dream, God was providing a way out. But I ignored His gracious offer and stayed in the middle of the horrible dream. I had failed.

I woke up the next morning, feeling guilty and ashamed. But real love was waiting for me. God was ready to forgive me, clean me and give me a good day. Why? Because Jesus already paid the price for my mistake. He died on a cross – He took the punishment long before my mess. And He was risen to give me a brilliant life – one that I did not earn.

• Can I believe in a love like that?
• Can you believe in a love like that?
• And what would life look like if we really did believe in a love that good?

You, trapped in darkness today. You, hiding in shame. You, feeling worthless. You, feeling tormented and stuck in something terrible. You, fearing. You, anxious one. You, who can’t seem to find the light.

You, who doesn’t know when things will get better. You, who thinks God is ashamed of who you are. You, who thinks God is mean and cruel. You, who doesn’t really think about God at all.

You are not loved because you earned it….

YOU are just loved, right now, with all your doubts and questions and failure. You are loved with a mind-blowing love.

• Don’t reduce love to a thing that can be earned. Really, it is all grace – ready for you to receive.
• Don’t focus so intently on your faults and mistakes, you can focus on Jesus instead. Try asking Him for one thing He loves about you. What is the first thing that comes to your mind?
• Don’t switch off from love, this Valentine’s Day. Whether you are single, heartbroken, dating or married – stay mindful of God’s gracious love – receive it, even if you don’t feel like you deserve it. Receive it, even if you’ve been hurt by what you thought was love, in the past.

For the love of God is a love that doesn’t need you to do anything, fix anything, or be a certain way. It is a love that has absolutely nothing bad to say about you. A love that is for you, until the very end – no matter what difficulty you may face. No matter your name, your circumstances or your situation.

Instead…

• Dare to believe that love is good.
• Dare to believe that love is true.
• Dare to believe that love is free from punishment and abandonment.

Most of all – dare to believe love is Jesus and His heart is fully towards you, always.