I struggle with comparison. Like, I reeeeeeealllllllllllllly struggle with it.

• I compare how I budget and my shopping and spending habits.
• I compare my weight and my wardrobe, as well as my diet.
• I compare my parenting style and I have compared my pregnancy and birth choices.  

You get the picture: comparison rears its ugly head, in many areas of my life.

Honestly, there are some mornings when I pray: “God, just take it away from me!” “HELP ME GET RID OF THIS COMPARISON THING, NOW!”

Despite the fact that I am still very much in the throes of this struggle, I really felt that God led me to a particular bible passage this week. The bible passage can be found in Matthew 26-33 and through reading it I found four pearls of wisdom, which could help you and I take at least one baby step closer to a life that is free from comparison…

1. Have no fear and Be Honest!

So have no fear of [those who persecute you], for nothing is covered that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. What I tell you in the dark, say in the light, and what you hear whispered, proclaim on the housetops.

Matthew 26-27, ESV, my brackets.

In this passage, Jesus is speaking. He’s just told His disciples that they are going to have a really hard time! It’s a pretty brutal conversation – He tells His followers that they will be persecuted; family will turn against them and they will be hated, because of their love for Him. Ouch!

Jesus then tells His disciples to “have no fear”…

I think the root of comparison is fear.

• Fear that God won’t come through for us, in the same way He did for others.
• Fear that we are not as good as others.
• Fear that they will get what is supposed to be ours.

But, here’s the thing: if you follow Jesus – you are on a faith-journey, not a fear-journey.

That means, you have to nip fear in the bud.

How do we do that – with honesty!

If you are comparing yourself to someone because you feel like you are better than them – that’s pride. You need to bring it before the Lord and be honest about it. Confess it and believe that God forgives you.

Equally, if you are comparing yourself to someone because you feel inferior to them – that’s insecurity. You need to bring that fear before God. Confess it and believe that God forgives you.

In either situation – be honest before God! Jesus says: “nothing is covered that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known.”

You don’t need to mentally fight for justice – you can trust that God will deal with those that persecute or offend you.

You also don’t need to prove yourself or work harder to measure up to others – you can trust that God has made you just as wonderfully unique as He made them to be.

I want to offer word of warning – if you don’t bring these lies before God your heart can quickly before offended with God.

Offended because you feel that He didn’t make you quite as wonderful as He made others. Or, offended because you don’t feel like He is fair or just.

That’s not a fun place to be.

We need to be people who walk in light. And that means getting real honest about how and why we compare ourselves.  

2. Let God Be King

And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. Rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.

Matthew 28 – 29, ESV.

God has authority. In any given situation, He is Lord.

But we can be deceived to thinking otherwise. The bible says:

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.

1 Peter 5: 8, NIV.

So – the question is – how does the devil devour Christ-followers, if he has no authority? The answer: he gives us thoughts. Thoughts of comparison, for instance. That’s why the bible says: “Be alert and of sober mind.”

Here’s the good news though: this God that we serve is mighty. He created each person here on earth; each animal, He spoke into being.

Sometimes I am quick to compare myself to the woman standing in front of me. The woman who’s circumstances seem similar to mine. How is she dealing with things? How is she doing things better than I am?

When I think this way I can all too easily miss out on that person. I can mentally pull them apart, but not actually enjoy them for who they are. For who God created them to be. I let the enemy lead my mind down a path of destruction, forgetting to stay present to what God is doing in my life, perhaps through that very person that I am comparing myself to.

The truth is: you can learn something from each and every person that God puts in your path.

For instance, if I compared my marriage to someone who has been married twice as long as me I might see things they do that we don’t or we haven’t reached. I might feel as though my marriage is not as good as mine and dwell on all sorts of negative emotions that come with that…

But if I chose that path, I would miss out on all the blessing of that friendship with that couple. I would miss out on laughter shared, wisdom shared and honest conversations.

What I am trying to get to is this: instead of letting your mind compare ask yourself: why has almighty God put this person in my path today? What is it that He wants me to enjoy and learn about this marvellous person that He made?

Not only is God all-powerful, He is also all-knowing. He knows when each and every sparrow fall. He knows what’s on your mind. The bible says: “Even before a word is on [your] tongue, behold, O Lord, [God] knows it all together,” Psalm 139:4, ESV, my brackets.

God absolutely knows what you need. And quite often He provides for us through sending certain people our way. Don’t miss out on a blessing that God has sent, just because you are tempted to compare.

3. Believe What God Says

But even the hairs on your head are all numbered. Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

Matthew 30 – 31, ESV.

Jesus knows that His disciples will struggle with insecurity. He knows they will feel afraid, they will compare, they will want to people-please. They will want to prove themselves.

So He reminds them that God sees them. He reminds them that God sees every little thing about them.

God knows how many hairs are on your head. God knows all sorts of details about you; all the things that people don’t know. God cares about you and puts a lot of value on you.

God doesn’t miss a thing.

There is a situation that I am facing, in which I feel very insecure. My temptation has been to compare myself to others in that very same situation.

And I have to ask myself a question: do I believe that God sees me, in this situation? Do I believe that God looks on me with love in His eyes?

If I believe He sees me and if I believe He loves me – why am I comparing? Why am I trying to make myself feel better by comparing myself to others? It’s pointless!

So much of comparison stems from the fact that we don’t trust God at His word. We don’t believe He really sees us and He really does love us. We don’t believe that He will do so much for us and has done so much for us.

You need to choose to believe what God says about YOU.

Sometimes faith looks like saying: “God, I know you see me in this situation, because your words says so. I trust you love me and I invite you into all the insecure places in my heart.”

4. Be Who God Made You to Be

So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven, But whoever denies me before men, I will also deny before my Father who is in heaven.

Matthew 32 – 33, ESV.

Acknowledging God doesn’t always look like preaching on the street or becoming a minister! Acknowledging God can look like actively confessing comparison when it creeps into your mind. Seeing the best in other people, instead of tearing them down. Reminding yourself that God loves you, when you feel really insecure.

You can’t hold onto comparison and simultaneously hold onto Jesus. Honestly, my experience tells me that one of those things will end up winning priority in your life.

Last week, a friend asked me to record a short video explaining how my faith alters how I deal with my finances. In my video, I explained that my husband and I tithe (give 10% of our income to our local church.) I commented that we do this without any hesitation. We don’t spend a monthly moment wondering if we should tithe or not… when income comes in, we just tithe. No questions asked.

It hit me that this is the way I need to start dealing with comparison in my life. I need to make a decision whether I am going to let it in, or not. If I choose to stop comparing myself, that decision needs to become a non-negotiable. No matter how convincing and tempting comparison feels or sounds in my mind, I’m not going to entertain thoughts of comparison – the decision is final.

That does not mean that I will never have a thought about comparison, it means that when I do have a thought I can quickly choose to not entertain it. As soon as I think: “She is so much better at budgeting than I am” I can quickly stop that thought train from spiralling into self-pity. I can remind myself of 3 things I am good at or 3 things I am thankful for. Or I can be thankful that I am that person’s friend and call her up for advice!

The point is: I can be who God made me to be and let go of comparison.

Or, I can hold onto comparison, let it grow into bitterness and live a life feeling insecure and jealous. That is really not the kind of life God had in mind when He made me…

Obviously, there is always grace. And so if I do slip up I can go back to confession, like I talked about in point one of this blog post.

That said, I just feel like there has to be a decision – am I going to follow Jesus here, or not? Am I going to keep dwelling on comparison and going round in circles of confession, or am I going to put an end to it?

Conclusion

Hey, I am no expert on overcoming comparison! But I’m making a decision this week to apply some of the things I’ve learnt from this passage.

I’m going to be honest about my fears, before God.

I’m going to treat Him as sovereign; not trying to “Lord” over my problems with negative thinking.

I’m going to remind myself that God loves me and sees me.

I’m going to stop my thoughts before they roll right into a comparison trap.

I really hope that you will take steps to freedom from comparison, too. Because it’s such a horrible thing; it tries to fill your mind with chaos and bitterness rather than pace and love, which God has for you, in abundance.

So, have a go. Take a baby step. And enjoy freedom, inch by inch. Praying for you from the middle of my own mess!