This week, I felt convicted. Challenged about living in a way that wasn’t great for me.

Here in the U.K, we are in the midst of another national lockdown. Shops are closed and we have been instructed, by our government, to stay at home where possible.

But the thing is: I find it difficult to be indoors, 5 days a week, with my 17-month old daughter.

Don’t get me wrong; I love my girl to bits and I choose to be a stay-at-home mum. But, I frequently struggle to keep my daughter entertained for such long, indoor periods. Especially when we are not allowed to see other people.

In short, the question: “what should we do next” often roars around my head, making me feel anxious.

Because of this situation, in panic, I have recently found myself putting the television on, more often than usual. I switch on the toddler channel… I am then able to make myself a cup of tea. I find some nursery rhymes on Youtube… Suddenly I am free to wash the dishes, without a screaming toddler hugging my leg for attention!

The habit grew… Even after putting my daughter to bed on an evening, I would flick the screen on, watching programme after programme.

What else could I do?

Every evening I felt tired, overwhelmed and exhausted. My emotions were shattered from a day of battling with that annoying, demanding thought: “what should we do next?”

Switching the television on meant I didn’t have to decide what to do next. I could zone out completely.

But that is when conviction came.

I felt the Holy Spirit gently question my television usage.

So I started with a fast. I decided to break my bad habit with television, before replacing it with a new and healthy one.

I gave up all television for a week and, in doing so, here is what I learnt…

1. Take Your Personal Convictions Seriously.

I have been reading 1 Corinthians in my bible this week. It is a letter wrote by Apostle Paul to the church in Corinth. As I read this letter, what sticks out to me is how Paul specifically brings about correction for that particular church.

Paul is blunt! But not in a condemning way. Rather, his words bring about personal conviction, making the reader evaluate themselves in light of the gospel and the Holy Spirit in them. Paul says:

It’s true that our freedom allows us to do anything, but that doesn’t mean that everything we do is good for us. I’m free to do as I choose, but I choose to never be enslaved to anything.

1. Corinthians 6:12, TPT.

When I felt convicted about my bad television habit, I didn’t feel condemned, as though I was doing something really bad and would therefore be punished for it.

Instead, I recognised that I could use my freedom of choice to break my bad habit. I realised that I could do better than mindlessly screen hop.

With that, I became aware that I wanted my daughter to have a healthy relationship with screens. I want all of my existing and future children to know how to build healthy habits. I don’t want them to fear media, I want them to see it as a resource which they can use wisely. On their terms. When they choose to.

I want my kids to know that there are other options besides sticking the tele on. Equally, when they do gather round to watch a programme or a film, I want them to actually enjoy it. I don’t want them to use it to zone out from responsibility. I don’t want them to switch off their emotions or mask their problems with screens. Which is something that I have tried to do!

So my first point is this: be aware of the Holy Spirit convicting you. Conviction doesn’t make you feel condemned, it makes you feel empowered to change for good. Is there something that God might be convicting you about this week?

2. Bad Habits Can Be Quick to Acquire.

Honestly, I didn’t set out to develop a bad television habit! I didn’t even consider what other things I could be doing to rest and relax, outside of watching programmes about buying houses and baking.

This is what I have learnt: bad habits are sneaky. Like added sugar. They are quick to devour you, whilst you carry on, unaware of the negative effects.

To be brutal and blunt: bad habits steal your time, therefore they steal your life, moment by moment. Without you realising.

To be kind: this is a ridiculously tough time to be living in. A time of lockdown, restrictions and setbacks. We are all finding it hard in our own way. So please don’t punish yourself if you have picked up some bad habits. Instead, get help. Get all the help you need. Some of you will have to be brave and pick up the phone – just tell someone, anyone, about those sneaky habits that have crept in.

You might think your habits are ugly and shocking and embarrassing. “No one will understand!” You might feel trapped. Scared.

I think of this bible verse:

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.

1 Corinthian 3:17, NIV.

The Spirit of God is bringing about freedom in you. Although bringing bad habits to light might feel like a scary thing to do, this is a necessary part of you enjoying freedom. I’ve been through this process and telling someone is never as bad as you anticipate. So please, if your heart beats fast as you read this, if your mind is thinking of a habit you’ve acquired, tell someone now!

3. Slowing Down Takes Intentionality.

This week I learnt that instead of watching television every evening, I could take a bubble bath all by myself.

Instead of ending date night by catching up on a fabulous baking competition, my husband and I could play a board game and laugh together.

Instead of feeling like I never get chance to read, I can find time to delight in reading an entire book in one week!

But, in order to enjoy these moments, I had to be intentional.

In Paul’s letter to the Galatians, he writes:

For your self-life craves the things that offend the Holy Spirit and hinder him from living free within you! And the Holy Spirit’s intense cravings hinder your old self – life from dominating you! So then, the two incompatible and conflicting forces within you are your self – life of the flesh and the new creation life of the Spirit.

Galatians 5:17, TPT.

Basically, our spirit wars against our flesh. If we love Jesus and accept Him as our saviour, we should expect this. Our bodies want to do what they please and the Holy Spirit inside of us craves freedom from our fleshy desires.

So, it’s going be tough to live a spirit-led life.

You are going to have to be intentional about tuning in to the kind of life God has for you. You will be tempted to go back into bad habits and you will have to overcome temptation.

For me, that meant physically taking myself away from the television, even when I was tired and wanted to crash out. It meant paying attention to the spirits leading in what book I should read. It meant silence at times… and boredom at times.

For you it might mean accountability with someone. Regular heart-spills, over the phone. Getting professional help. Keeping your phone out of your bedroom. Deleting some apps. Giving your television away!

Point is: you can be intentional. You might feel resistance and temptation. But slowing down and tuning into the Holy Spirit within you is the goal. Being who God created you to be is the goal. So what things do you need to put in place this week in order to let the spirit win and the flesh back off?

4. Give God the Microphone.

This last point is really digging deep into what I have personally learnt this week.

I am a fixer. I like to fix problems. I like to solve.

While I was busy wrestling with the question: “What should we do today?” I wasn’t giving God a chance to answer.

I was switching the television on, coming up with something to do, even if it wasn’t the right thing. I was scared of silence. I was making my bad habit louder than God’s voice, in my life.

The thing is: when you start to switch that bad habit off, you begin to hear silence again. You begin to realise that a slow, quiet life is good for the soul.

You remember that God isn’t running around at 10,000 miles an hour, giving you an impossible amount of tasks to achieve. You remember that He is good. Peace. Present. Still.

This week I realised that silence and boredom are not to be feared. I realised that grace is quiet. It’s in the details. It’s a game of hide and seek with a daughter that I have longed for, ever since being a little girl myself. It is making an apple crumble on bonfire night, then smothering it in ice cream. It is feeling a flutter in my pregnant belly and wondering if the tiny human in there is saying hello.

I’m not trying to ignore reality: this week I’ve been ill and locked down with a toddler – those things are hard. But not fixing things, not letting bad habits speak louder than God and not being afraid to respond to the Holy Spirit has certainly helped me gain a Godly perspective.

This post should not condemn you for watching T.V, we will probably have differing convictions. But hopefully, this blog will make you wonder: what good lies beneath those anxious habits you hold? What good are you currently missing out on or not seeing clearly?

Final Encouragement

If you believe in God, you are free to live an incredible life. An abundant and rich life. But you will have to keep choosing that wonder-filled life. And that starts by acknowledging convictions and confessing bad habits.

But don’t be afraid, because the Holy Spirit in you is powerful – He will help you to be intentional and wise. He will reveal to you a new, healthy way of living. He will lead you to friend and organisations that can bring healing. You are not alone in this.

I really want to encourage you: If my week of no T.V taught me anything, it is that God’s goodness is waiting for each of us. On the other side of conviction there is true peace. Grace for the taking. And a whole boat-full of wonder.