This is day 3 of a 5-day blog series about thinking wonderfully. For the previous day click here.

How much time do you spend mentally comparing yourself to others?

I know… it’s a tough question.

Truth is, I frequently put myself on a grading system.

I don’t know if it comes from years of trying to get ‘A’ grades at school, but my mind will frequently grade myself against others.

Thoughts like:

She will always be liked more than me.

He will always do things the right way, I will always do things the wrong way.

I will never catch up or be as good as she is.

At least I am better than that person in one area.

It’s like I am constantly trying to place myself on a scoring system.

When my thoughts get like this I feel discontented with my own circumstances. I can feel fed up and hopeless. As if I am stuck at third place, never destined to taste a win.

Thoughts like this can be all-consuming. I don’t know about you, but I can get really stuck in comparison. I would go as far as saying it is dangerous thought train for anyone to board.

But, how do you and I overcome these negative thoughts of comparison? Can we ever live without mentally weighing ourselves up against another?

The bible says that we are each gifted differently:

If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

1 Corinthians 12: 17-20, NIV.

Simply put, you and I are called to be a separate parts of one body – the church. You are gifted in a unique and brilliant way, just as I am. But God places us together – different, but one in our unity with Him.

God’s says we are different but each important. We are all equally valuable to Him.

But, if I am brutally honest, I don’t always want it to be this way. Sometimes I want there to be a first place. I want to be the most special of all special people and I often want to earn that title. Honestly, something in me wants to win! Something in me doesn’t want to accept that God has won for me.

He set me up uniquely, creatively and He set YOU up uniquely and creatively, too. We can rest in that; we don’t have to strive, regardless of how much we think we ought to.

Looking at Psalm 139, it says:

For you formed my inward parts;

You knitted me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

My soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you,

When I was being made in secret,

Intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Psalm 139: 13-15, NIV.

In this passage, Kind David is talking to God.

Here is the thing: I think, in order to overcome a thought habit of comparison, we first have to deal with our own unbelief.

In your heart of hearts – do you believe that God has fearfully and wonderfully created you?

Do you believe He made you just as fearfully and wonderfully as the person standing next to you?

Or do you think that God has let you down? Do you think He didn’t make you quite as wonderful as that other person? Are you confident that you are loved just as much as they are?

I think we can take offence at God quite easily when we don’t take Him at His word.

Dare I say – it feels easier to blame Him for not feeling as adequate as another person. It feels harder to admit that we are just as cherished as that other person. Just as gifted. Just as loved by God. Chosen by God for His purpose.

If you find yourself stuck in a mental comparison trap, I have 3 simple steps you might want to consider today:

1. Be repentant.

Why are you comparing yourself to another?

Dig deep and answer this question.

Is it because you feel like God has given them more than you?

If so, then you need to first get right with God. Start by telling Him that you are sorry for thinking this way. Confess that He has fearfully and wonderfully created you. You are just as special to Him as that other person.

2. Be honest and accountable.

This one may not be applicable for everyone but, if there is one particular person that you keep comparing yourself to, tell them.

Saying to a friend: “look, I am constantly comparing my life to yours, thinking yours is better,” will feel weird. But, as with most thought trains, honesty can break the power of untruthful thinking.

If you are comparing yourself to a random person on Instagram – tell a friend that this is consuming a lot of your mental energy. This will give you accountability. It means those thoughts are no longer secret. You might find that it triggers a great, honest conversation with another who struggles too.

Of course, switching off social media might be another great step for those that do most of their mental comparison online. But again, accountability is key. Tell someone you are logging off and when. Get them to check in on you.

I know all of the above sounds like something you really don’t want to do. But, if you are serious about living free from negative comparison, following this step is exceptionally beneficial.

3. Be obedient.

Comparison can lure you in to a false belief that you are not good enough. But God says that you are good enough. He absolutely has plans and purposes for your life. More than that; He wants to do life with you. He wants to share things with you, laugh with you and lead you.

The bible says:

I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my eye upon you.

Psalm 32: 8, ESV.

Come before God today and trust that He is saying the above statement to you. Thank Him for it!

He will not leave you’ but He will be your guide.

He will show you the way in which you should go.

How amazing is that!

The question isn’t: “are you good enough?” It is: “are you listening to Him?”

Are you being obedient to His loving instruction? Ponder that thought.

Conclusion

Of course, overcoming negative comparison is easier said than done.

If I was sat across a coffee table from you, I would be able to physically see past hurt and struggle in your eyes. I would feel your pain. If you have endured years of hearing others say you are not good enough, it might be hard to start believing that God says you are precious and special to Him. You might find it really hard to stop grading yourself.

Peeling back layers of comparison is not for the faint hearted. But it is worth it.

My prayer for you today is that you would not fight with comparison; but instead, confess it. Pair up with a friend and get on your knees together as you lay down all of the bitterness, jealously and frustration you have from daily comparison.

Learn to believe and seek Him for the wonderful life He has for you. You can absolutely do this.