Last Monday morning, I couldn’t seem to pray properly.

It was my husband’s birthday and we had decided to celebrate with family.

Before festivities started, I managed to escape to a quiet room for 20 minutes. I spent time looking at words on a page of my bible study, but I wasn’t actually reading those words. I wasn’t taking them in. My head was elsewhere.

Despite being pre-10am, I was already worrying about something I had said and how it might have come across to other people.

Have you ever felt stuck in a thought like that?

Instead of stopping my negative thought train with prayer, I began over-worrying, people-pleasing and rushing towards terrible conclusions. My mind absolutely did not want me to enjoy the day in front of me.

Truth is, when I stopped to reflect, I realised that there are three trains of negative thoughts, which I am prone to jumping on:

1.The People-Pleasing Train

I tend to get on this train of thought when I am worried about how others see me. This leads to second-guessing, regretting, feeling embarrassed and shamefully self-conscious.

2. The Comparison Train

I catch this thought train when I am feeling sorry for myself. A moment on Instagram, looking at someone’s mountain-top moment… that’s all it takes for me to jump on a fast-paced brain ride to comparison city!

3. The Disaster Train

I don’t actually know when I board this train of thought… but, once I am on board, it feels like I can’t get off. I am stuck in a carriage, thinking terrible, panicked thoughts and I can’t seem to escape to peace.

As soon as I begin to dwell on any single one of these thought trains, God starts to look blurry round the edges. I don’t see Him as clearly as I possibly could. I start believing lies about Him.

In Psalm 139, King David writes to God. He says:

You know when I sit and when I rise;

You perceive my thoughts from afar.

Psalm 139: 2, NIV.

Here is the truth: God knows everything that you and I are thinking. Stop and think about that for a second…

• God knows when you have started on a thought train that leads to sorrow.
• He knows when you have believed a lie.
• He knows when you’ve mindlessly tuned out to Him, and tuned into something else.
• He knows when you are anxiously trying to people-please others, rather than confidently and unapologetically being who He created you to be.

And here is the really, crazy- wonderful thing about our God – we could tune into a negative radio of thought for an entire day and He will not, for one second, leave our side.

Psalm 139 reads:

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

Psalm 139: 7-8, NIV.

I don’t know about you, but when I start over-thinking I feel ashamed, I feel insecure and I feel like I am a million miles away from our perfect God.

But, regardless of what train of thought we catch, God is still present with us. You and I cannot leave His spirit; we cannot flee His presence.

Of course we can believe that He is far away. We can believe that thoughts of anxiety or people-pleasing are all-consuming. But every single time that I start to over-worry, over-compare and over-panic, God is standing next to me.

He’s standing right beside you, too.

The Psalmist goes as far as saying: “if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.”

That means: you can set up camp in a pile of truly negative thoughts and He will not leave you.

A couple of evenings ago, I began worrying about what someone would think of me. I was making up conversations in my head, trying to convince this person to like me! I was stressing about the fact that they may be upset with me; I was mentally beating myself up with their imaginary rejection!

I don’t know if you’ve been there before? When you’ve had a situation that consumes your brain, and you start to imagine your way out of it? You start to feel anxious and fret for hours and hours about this one, silly situation?

This is exactly what Psalm 139 is referring to when it talks about making your bed in the “depths”. In fact, when I set up camp in a pile of negative thoughts I often can’t sleep!

Nevertheless, even when you get deep into the detail of people-pleasing, comparison or disaster – God is still present with you.

So, if God knows when we are stuck on a bad train of thought, why do we try to hide it? Why do we act so ashamed of these common thought habits?

Sure, I may feel as if we are the only person thinking these things. But what if we brought our ugly train thoughts to the light?

• What if we wrote down the people-pleasing thoughts that we daren’t admit to anyone?
• What if we told people about the comparison that we deal with, on a daily basis?
• What if we were honest about those fearful, panic-ridden thoughts that scare us?

For four days, following this post, I am going to write about each of the three trains of thought that I am prone to. I want to break those patterns of thinking, using Psalm 139.

Simply put: I am sick of over-thinking.

I have wasted too many hours plotting how to please other people.

I have waded too deep into discontentment and comparison.

I have put up with weird, disastrous thoughts for far too long.

How about you?

Are you spending your days thinking wonderful thoughts, or are you prone to jump on a thought train that feels overwhelming and all-consuming?

Maybe you can commit to reading my blog for the next few days? Maybe you can join me as I shine a light on my messy thought life? Maybe, together, we can find a way to dismount our negative thought trains?

We might just discover God’s wonderful alternative!

Day 1 Action points:

• Write out Psalm 139 verses 2, 7 and 8.
• Can you identify your negative thought trains? For instance, are you constantly thinking about what others think? Is your mind prone to comparing yourself to others, for hours? Maybe you sit and think about all the bad things that could possibly happen to you? Ask the Holy Spirit to fill you and then say: “Holy Spirit, please bring to mind my most common, negative thought trains?” Write down whatever first comes to your mind after asking that question.
• Pray a thanksgiving prayer as you set out to bring your negative thought patterns to light. Thank God that He is with you always, He already knows what you are thinking and He is ready to help you think wonderfully.