Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve always found things to look forward to. My mum jokes that, as soon as every Christmas ends, I begin planning for my birthday celebration… which isn’t actually until March!
I need to know where I am going. I am regularly asking: “What’s next?” I have this desire in me to be dreaming big and pursuing much.
Years ago, I completed Gallup’s “Strength’s Finder” test. The test results described me as an “achiever.” Simply put, I am motivated by achievement, whether big, or small. The assessment explains how achievers function and feel. It reads: “By the end of the day you must achieve something tangible to feel good about yourself. And by “every day” you mean every single day – workdays, weekends, vacations.”
When I first became a Christian, I started feeling like my natural ability to achieve, wasn’t Godly, at all. I read a bible story about a woman named Martha busying herself, while her sister Mary was sitting and worshiping Jesus and I thought: “oh no!” I resonated with busy Martha, more than devoted Mary. (See Luke 10 38 – 42.)
I also noticed that many Christian books were written to warn about being too busy. As a result, I felt bad for being an achiever – I started to write off that part of me as ‘prideful’.
But, over this past year, I have had a different revelation.
Last May, I became a stay-at-home mum. I tried to do the ‘stay-at-home’ part for the first 6 weeks of my maternity leave… I soon realised that neither me nor my daughter were wired for just staying put! So, I joined baby groups, met other new mums and I started to feel that sense of achievement again.
Fast forward some months, I was listening to a preacher talk about writing. And what she said literally changed my life. She said that, when she first started writing, she had 4 little children under the age of 5. Because of that, she was only able to write for half an hour each day. Yet, she has at least 7 popular, published books on Amazon! Books that are not only readable but hugely relatable. Books full of encouragement; books that could actually help people.
In that moment, I realised that if I could write for just half an hour a day I could achieve my dream of writing a thriving blog and, hopefully, a book that helps people.
With this daily sense of achievement, my days seemed to go faster.
I felt more like myself. Furthermore, in the moments that I was with my daughter I was no longer feeling a bit fed up inside, wondering if I would ever write a blog. In other words: once I had done my daily writing, I could hit save – or publish – and then turn my full attention back to my daughter. I could be more present with her. I felt like I was living both dreams of mothering and becoming a successful author.
I realised that being an achiever isn’t all bad. In fact, it is one of the ways in which God has created me. I was using my strength as an achiever to live dreams that God had placed on my heart.
This revelation also propelled me to get a craft box and start making things for my daughter. I made birthday presents, wrote cards, delivered gifts, made toys and cooked new recipes. I perfected brownie baking and made reorganizing my daughter’s wardrobe a fun game, for her to enjoy. Each new task made me feel like I’d achieved something; something that connected me to my girl. Time quickened and life felt good.
Rather than trying to read books, I discovered that 20 minute bible studies were more achievable and again, connected me with God. Similarly, my husband and I started to create under £10 date nights for each other.
Achievement in this way was good. I felt more connected to God, to my daughter, to my husband. All of these things filled my achievement tank, and also my natural desire to learn and be creative.
In the past few weeks, though, I have found myself getting caught up in the wrong type of achievement – achievement that doesn’t lead me closer to God.
I think it is partly because, as a country, we are emerging from a nationwide ‘lockdown,’ whereby shops and businesses were shut. We could not go in other people’s homes, or even meet up with others. Lockdown, in this way, forced me to strip back all activity and just focus on me and my little family.
Now that lockdown is lifting, I find myself becoming busy for the sake of being busy again. I find myself saying yes to things that – deep down – I don’t really want to say yes to. Maybe you can relate?
I find myself carrying burdens that I am not really sure that God is giving me to carry. I feel like I am picking things up, rather than completing God-given tasks.
I am often thinking of other people’s immediate needs, rushing in to help and serve, without really checking with God that it’s the right thing to be doing. As a result, responsibilities, which I am picking up, seem jarring – they go wrong and they make me stressed.
Some of these tasks are perfectly in my remit. They don’t look like things I shouldn’t be doing. Helping people looks good to the human eye. But God sees the heart and I think my heart hasn’t been careful when re-entering this post lockdown world.
I know some people have really struggled with lockdown, but I am sat here realising that there were definite elements of it that I absolutely loved. Slowing down; yet achieving things that make me feel connected. Switching my brain on again. Learning, writing, creating. I just felt like I was more of myself.
So… what now?
When you realise that your sense of achievement has become a bit warped… what’s the next step? How do you and I get back to lockdown simplicity, in a post lockdown universe? I have three suggestions…
Step 1: Pray.
Write a list of your commitments and pray through them – do they keep you connected, should they be on your list? What is God saying? What does He want for your life? The bible says:
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”
Philippians 4:6, NIV.
Honestly – some tasks that God has asked me to do feel difficult, right now. This is the thing: the culture that we live in tells us to do only what feels good. But, sometimes, God asks us to do that hard thing in front of us – which may not look pretty, but absolutely glorifies Him. In turn, it keeps us connected to Him. Remember, if He asks you to do something He always gives His grace and strength to help you. So although it’s tricky, it’s not impossible with Him.
Step: 2: Plan.
If I plan ahead, I can step into my day without fluster or fail. Yet, the past few weeks have been without preparation. I have ignored daily routines and have suffered consequences! I’m not saying that you have to plan every detail of your life, but I am saying that having a weekly planner is a worthwhile investment. Working out where date night fits in and then planning and looking forward to it, is always meaningful. Similarly – for me – adopting a daily writing habit benefits me mentally. Plus, doing what God has called me to makes me feel alive! You might want to carve out time for your family or pen in five minutes every day to read your bible. Whatever God directed you to in step 1; now’s the time to plan those things out.
When you’ve added a few daily or weekly habits to your calendar – you need to make a commitment to stick to those things. For me, some of my ‘non-negotiables’ include – daily bible study, daily writing, weekly time as a family, weekly coffee to myself, weekly date night and a monthly church leaders meeting. Everything else fits around those commitments. I have made the mistake of ignoring some of these things recently – doing so just makes me feel depleted or disconnected.
Step 3: Cancel.
If you have followed the first 2 steps, you will be sure of the tasks God is calling you to and you should have added those tasks to your calendar.
Now comes the tough part – cancelling! Don’t be afraid to say no to things that God says no to! And don’t be afraid to say no to things that clash with your diary! Personally, I think I actually need to say no more than I say yes, at the moment… and that is O.K.
The bible says:
Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil.
Matthew 5:37, ESV.
Be certain. Be obedient to God and true to yourself. If you have taken too much on, don’t just plough through and burnout! Stop, cancel, change and then continue. If you are asked to do something, but you don’t know if it fits in your calendar you can always say: “can I get back to you later, please?” You don’t have to give a panicked “yes!”
I don’t want to sound legalistic; I am actually a massive fan of spontaneity! But I have tried to ignore my sense of achievement in the past. I have also tried to over-achieve. Neither have been successful. What has been successful is to pray – plan and cancel! You might need to actually plan half an hour in to follow these three steps every week. If you are wired as an achiever, like me, it will be worthwhile.
bethcoppenhall.com 