About a month ago, I decided to write my first ‘bible study.’ Simply put, I posted a new blog every single day for three weeks, focusing on exchanging my mess for God’s goodness. I studied scripture, I listened to God and I wrote all of my thoughts out. (If you want to read the first post in the series, click here.)

Throughout that three-week challenge, I decided to post without editing, or worrying whether my work was good or bad. I had a tiny audience and felt that I had nothing to lose.

As a result, I fell in love with writing and Jesus all over again (not in that order!)

On completing the 21-day series, I went on holiday… and wrote absolutely nothing! This meant, when I returned home, I was keen to re-start my habit of study – write – publish – sleep – repeat.

But God had other plans…

I couldn’t escape the feeling that, before writing anything new, God wanted me to share my blog on social media. Oh no!

Frustratingly, for a week post-holiday, whenever I prayed, I felt prompted to share my blog. It was so clear – to the point where I opened my bible one day and it literally said: “do not be silent.” (Acts 18: 9, ESV)

I couldn’t escape this niggle that God wanted me to go public with my writing. I could barely pray without feeling compelled to share my thoughts on social media.

So, I did what I knew best… I tried to reason with God!

I told Him “just give me a few days, God, a week maybe, and I will read over all of my old blog posts, check that I don’t sound too cringe-worthy, make sure it looks nice… then I will share it… maybe!”

But, it was no good. I couldn’t write. I couldn’t pray. I felt anxious. All because I knew I was being disobedient, by not sharing my content.

In the end, I pressed share. I can’t say I did it with a happy heart, full of love towards Jesus… I was like a sulky teenager, rolling her eyes saying “if I have to…” before eating copious amounts of ice cream and chocolate!

Now, I am sat back at my makeshift desk, reflecting on my reaction. Why didn’t I want to go public? What was holding me back?

The answer is simple: I am scared of being rejected by people.

Terrified.

In my mind, I had decided that my extended family would write me off as completely crazy, as soon as they had read my words.

In my head, I told myself that no-one would ever meet up for a play date with my daughter and I, again – who would want to hang out with an intense, preachy madwoman at playgroup!

I was bombarded by fear of losing friends. Consumed with this paranoia that people were saying negative things, behind my back!

And that is when I realised… fear of rejection had hold of me. Not just in this instance; it has been my default. It is how I have reacted whenever I’ve been forced to be myself, in front of people.

If I share my true thoughts in a meeting = fear of rejection.

If I tell someone about my faith = fear of rejection.

If I meet a new person = fear of rejection.

If I don’t agree with a friend about one big or small thing = fear of rejection.

Nothing scares me quite like rejection does.

My guess is that I am not alone in this.

The truth is: rejection happens to each of us.

More truth: every single one of us has probably rejected another human being, before now.

Yet, even though I fear it… I can’t tell you a lot about it. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever looked rejection in the eye and called it out for what it is.

What I mean is: I’ve been rejected by people, and I’ve rejected people. But I’ve never stopped to really think about what rejection actually is. What does the bible say about it? Can I ever, really avoid it? Should I avoid it?

I’ve tried to bury hurt and I’ve tried to protect myself from getting rejected, but now it’s time for me to do the opposite. I feel it is time to welcome rejection and sit with it, for a while.

Over the following 5 days I am going to write a daily blog post about this theme of rejection…

1. What is it?
2. What does it feel like?
3. What does it do to me?
4. Where did it come from?
5. How can I overcome it?

My goal isn’t to reject rejection! Rather, my goal is to understand it. Unpick it. Get to the root of it.

Why? Honestly, because I am tired of the fear of rejection having so much control in my life. I’m hoping that if I disassemble ‘rejection’ fear will subside.

I am praying for God’s wisdom to guide me to the right scripture and personal stories to share with you along the way.

If the thought of rejection makes you feel like you want to run for the hills, please join me in this cheery, 5-day adventure! We can get through it together!

Action Point:

• Reflect on this question: does fear of rejection have any control in my life?
• Maybe there is something you’ve been putting off for fear of rejection and now’s the time to go for it!