My daughter was born by emergency caesarean section. Labour was long, drawn out and, at times, traumatic.

I struggled to process my caesarean section. I felt ashamed; as though I had failed, in many ways.

But recently, I‘ve experienced breakthrough. I’ve let God in and He has walked me through an incredible, healing process.

If you’ve had an emergency C-section, this post is for you. I am simply going to write out the process that I went through, to reconnect with God, after my traumatic labour experience.

I’ve broken this down into 7 encouragements and 7 action points you could take, if you feel that any resonate.

I am not a counselor or a trauma specialist. But, my prayer is that you would feel blessed by this, and look to God for your own healing.

1: You Can Get Through This – But Not Alone.

In those initial moments, after giving birth to my daughter, I was absolutely relieved that she was safe and well.

On the other hand, I was completely shocked by what had just happened…

I had experienced a 36-hour labour, with a few unknown injections, gas and air, diamorphine, spinal tap and a caesarean section. Yes, I was thrilled to have a healthy baby, but I was also traumatised.

Trauma might seem like a big, scary word, but the Oxford Dictionary simply describes it as a “distressing experience.”

If giving birth was distressing for you, the Bible tells us plainly: you can get through this with God.

Psalm 23 says:

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
    I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
    your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.”

Psalm 23:4, ESV

The thing is: you have to make a decision to go THROUGH your trauma, with God.

Walking through a struggle is not the same as avoiding it altogether.

Walking through a struggle is also not the same as stopping, and setting up a home, in the very centre of your distress.

Not only do you need to let God in, you also need to let people in, otherwise you are at risk of spiraling into depression.

Ask people to pray for you, tell a friend, or get a good counselor. Just talk about it. I did all three.

Talking to people that will sit with you, and simply listen, is best. Hearing others perspective, opinions or advice isn’t actually beneficial, at this stage. (At least, it wasn’t for me.)

Action point #1: Take a second, right now, to think about someone that will really listen to you, as you talk through all of your thoughts and feelings, regarding your caesarean section. Text or call that friend, or contact a counselor.

2: Ask God questions, Trust He Will Answer.

As a result of my emergency C-section, some of my questions were:

 “If I had more faith, would I have had a calm and speedy labour?”

 “If I hadn’t booked for an induction; would I have gone into labour, when the time was right?”

“Why didn’t God answer my prayers and those of my family, especially when labour was difficult?”

Put simply, the big question was: “what went wrong?”

If you have questions about your traumatic labour, that is O.K. Bring them all to God, He knows you are thinking them anyway!

In my opinion, one of the most incredible verses of the bible is this:

“My sheep hear my voice, and I know them and they follow me,”

John 10:27-28, KJV.

That means: if you love Jesus and follow Him, you can hear His voice.

For me, I hear God most when I ask Him questions. I usually get all my rambling out of the way, and then I ask Him for His perspective. Does He think I am a failure? What did go wrong during my labour? Where was He when I suffered?

When asking these questions, I am usually alone. I will typically have my journal out. I choose to believe that I can hear His voice. Then, I write down the first thing I think of, after asking the question.

If you are not sure it’s God, check: is it positive, does it agree with the Bible? God is affirming, kind and never goes against what is written in the Bible.

I understand that trust doesn’t need all the answers. I don’t want you to get into a place of confusion. I didn’t need to know every detail of what and why, in order to love and follow Jesus.

For me, it was about getting my relationship right with God.

I would encourage anyone who has faced disappointment and unmet expectation to keep coming to God and give Him your questions. Wrestle like Jacob did in the book of Genesis (32: 24 – 30, NIV.)

In order to ask good questions, there is a book I would recommend called Questions for Jesus by Tony Stolzfus. It keeps you from going down that confusion mine hole!

Action point #2: Grab a journal and start asking God those questions you have, regarding your experience of giving birth. If you are like me, you will find that once all the questions are out there, you can start to remember who God is and receive peace.

3: Receive And Give Forgiveness.

In preparation to give birth, I completed a popular, online course, about having a positive labour. The course was all about knowing what happens to your body, throughout childbirth.

Similarly, while I was pregnant, I read a book all about focusing on God’s promises for labour and childbirth. I used this resource to set my mind on God, before giving birth.

But, when it came to it, there were a few, clear moments in my labour in which I did panic, and didn’t trust God. My body started hyper-contracting early-on, and it shocked me. I lost focus.

I condemned myself for moments like that, all the way through my labour.

“Why didn’t I stay calm? Why did I get an induction, in the first place? Why didn’t I just trust God, like others did, in labour?”

I had to forgive myself, for all of these things. I had to let myself off the hook. I am human, I am not perfect. I panicked and God was still there, ever-faithful. He was never punishing me, I punished myself with my own self-criticism.

I also had to ask God for forgiveness for trusting those books, more than I trusted His word and voice. Even if a book is about God, it is important to discern what it says.

I also had to forgive people related to those pre-labour books and courses. Not that they had done anything wrong, but I felt they owed me an apology! I felt lied to – even by people I’d never met! So I had to let go of my frustration.

Action point #3: Who do you need to forgive? Do you need to forgive yourself, instead of condemning yourself? Do you need to forgive others?

4: Accept God’s Grace.

Before giving birth, a lot of content that I had consumed seemed negative about midwives and doctors.

Yet, I felt God sent encouraging midwives to help me, through every stage of labour. Midwives that really cared for me, and helped me regain focus.

My emergency C-section itself, was a massive relief. Doctors and nurses were friendly, a lovely antitheist put an end to my pain and a radio was playing cheery songs! Before I knew it – out came my healthy daughter!

Months later, I read an Instagram comment that said C-sections were God-designed. And it challenged my thinking. I didn’t have a second class birth. I experienced a miracle. God does actually work miracles through medicine.

I now believe C-sections were God designed. I can testify to this. They were his grace-plan. God loves my baby so much, He made a way for her to survive a distressing birth.

Healing at the hands of doctors and nurses is not a second class healing. Wisdom to heal and deliver a child safely must surely come from God, as He is creator of all things.

I’ve learnt to accept God’s grace and not think of my experience as anything short of a supernatural childbirth.

Action point #4: Were you challenged by the thought that C-sections are God-designed? Journal your thoughts.

5: Don’t Let Comparison Steal Your Joy.

I have often compared my experience of labour to someone else’s wonderfully positive labour story.

When I do this, I feel rubbish and I forget all the good bits of my own story.

The truth is, we are all human. At some point or another we have all had wonderfully positive moments. And we’ve all had moments of panic, not trusting in God. We’ve had moments of doubt and despair.

Just because one person had a straightforward birth, doesn’t mean they are perfect and have never struggled to trust God.

Comparison sets your mind on a lie, and can often result in distraction.

Action point #5: are you comparing yourself to others? Ask yourself: who are you comparing yourself to, and why?

6: Rejoice!

Many women experience a rush of love for their baby after giving birth. They comment on feeling totally elated or on a complete high.

The thing is: I don’t think I experienced that rush-of-love moment. If I did, I can’t remember because I was cannulated, drugged up and really tired after 36-hours of labour! And on top of all that, my husband had to go home because my baby was born post-visiting hours! Honestly, I had no idea what was happening to me, I didn’t have a moment to just appreciate my little baby.

My husband said I had always loved my little girl, and I didn’t need a rush of oxytocin to prove it! He reminded me that I had always wanted this precious gift of a daughter, and I would choose to love her, no matter how I felt.

He turned my attention to what we had, rather than what I was missing out on. And he helped me celebrate, with him.

If you can, it is important to choose to rejoice in what you have. Like, really rejoice!

If you have a precious baby in your hands: praise God! If you managed to go for a good wee, once nurses took your catheter out: praise God! If your scar is healing: praise God!

If you got there in the end: praise God!

Action point #6:  Whenever you feel bad about some part of your birth story – choose to thank God that He got you through.

7: Hold onto Hope.

Sure, I would love to have other children. But, I am not worried about what happens to me in labour.

I am not going to condemn myself if my body fails to give birth naturally again. I am simply putting all my expectation in Jesus. Regardless of what happens: He is with me, He will uphold me, He will make all things work together for my good, in the end.

How am I holding onto hope? At the moment I am reading a devotional called ‘Promises of God’ by She Reads Truth. It is full of scripture that I can memorise, underline and write all over! There is very little commentary.

I am reading slowly, I am not putting any pressure on myself and I am enjoying it.

As I do this, I am content being with God again. I am drawing closer and closer to Him, trusting that He is good, no matter what happens in my life.

Action point #7: Pick a Psalm from the Bible, print it out if possible and underline any bits that stand out to you. Read it again, and again. Let God speak to you personally through it.

Conclusion

The main message I am trying to get to you in this blog post is: look to God. When you feel nervous to tell people about your traumatic experience: look to God. When you have questions about your suffering: look to God. When you are blaming your own lack of faith: look to a God who is merciful, gracious, kind and does not condemn you.

When you are comparing your experiences to that of your friend… stop, then look to God!

Rejoice in His blessings, rejoice in His truth.

I believe that God will hold your hand and walk you through pain. I believe that He will walk you through suffering and that there will be a day where He literally wipes every tear you’ve cried, away.

Until then, I’m praying for your healing, in Jesus name.