I am sat in bed with the beginnings of acid reflux (another pregnancy illness I didn’t really know about!) I decided to jot a few notes about pregnancy up until the 22 week mark, hoping to make sense of it all! Here are 4 tired thoughts on pregnancy.

1. Don’t get sucked in to the comparison minefield

Pregnancy is different for everyone because no two people are alike, no two circumstances are identical and no two babies are the same.

God might tell one woman to quit their job and become a stay at home mum for a season, another woman – he might make a way for her to continue her full time job while raising a healthy child.

I love knowing that someone is going through pregnancy at the same time of me – sharing thoughts and feels on baby names and kicks is exciting. But the moment I get envious of my friends nursery or salary is the moment I’ve let comparison steal moments of friendship.

2. Don’t accept every piece of advice

You are a newbie, you’ve never carried a baby before. Even so: God chose you to be this baby’s Mamma and there is no one else on the planet who can raise your child like you can. So if someone tells you ‘you must do this’, ‘don’t do that’… take with a pinch of salt.

Good advice-givers share their personal stories with no alternative agenda. You can decide whether to join an NCT group or not, whether to use an electric breast pump or not and whether to buy an expensive pram or not.

Personally, I like hearing about people’s stories of pregnancy, childbirth and what benefited them throughout this time. But you can choose what advice to receive, and what to politely discard.

3. Don’t be embarrassed

In the first 12 weeks I caught a few viruses that triggered colitus to flare up in my body. Colitus is a condition whereby you have little ulcers in your colon and it can be really painful. For me – a flare up means pain in my abdomen, fever and fatigue, as well as a lot of unwelcomed bleeding. It can be worrying and embarrassing.

Furthermore, I had a weird thing where you get little blisters on your tongue that also flare up when you are run down. On top of all this, pregnancy made me ridiculously tired. I would often use up all my energy just to stay awake at work. (Not ideal when you have marketing campaigns to write…)

What I am learning is: your body is yours and it will react to carrying a baby in weird and wonderful ways.

Sure, I didn’t get morning sickness – but I didn’t realise how many other ailments can come with the first trimester.

As I’ve spoken to other first-time mums I’ve realised that they have also struggled through ‘embarrassing’ or unwelcomed illnesses as their body adjusts to carrying a baby.

Don’t be afraid to share the truth of what’s going on in your body with friends, family and co-workers. Morning sickness is easy to talk about nowadays; many mothers share stories of vomiting when pregnant. That doesn’t meant that morning sickness is the only illness pregnancy can bring.

I’ve prayed for healing for each embarrassing illness that pregnancy has given, and healing has come through medication and rest – sure. But sharing silly stories about wee, poo, blood and awkward doctor’s appointments with those I can trust has also resulted in a lot of healing for my heart! Laughter is one of God’s healers. Try not to underestimate it!

4. Don’t beat yourself up

When I was ill in the first trimester, I worried and prayed about my baby a lot. The truth of it was – my baby was fine, I was just having a bit of a hard time! I would often worry, then go to a scan, realise God had my baby in his hands and then chill out a bit… a couple of weeks would pass, I would somehow forget I was pregnant and then beat myself up that I wasn’t praying about my baby enough!

A few people have told me not to worry if I am not enjoying pregnancy, as they didn’t have enjoyable experiences themselves, and they felt that there was too much pressure to ‘enjoy’ pregnancy.

For me, I am not disliking pregnancy – I love feeling the little flutters (and now definite kicks) of my baby inside of my tummy. But I’m not ‘glowing’ my hair feels greasy and I still have spots on my skin (including spots on my back, for the first time ever!) I have had a few moments of hormonal tears and I have honestly watched more television in the last 3 months than the previous 9. I sit on the couch rather than write in my journal or pray like I used to. I am tired!

All this to say: I’ve needed to have zero expectations and a whole bunch of God’s grace for myself. This pregnancy has been a step of faith and obedience to God. I’m literally letting God fulfill the desire of my heart and give me a baby. I cannot do this by myself. I’m letting go of old habits like fearing financial loss, fearing what others will think and some days it has felt God has brought me face to face with my own fear of not being healed.

I don’t live every day full of joy and peace and hope. Some days I cry because I am terrified of what might happen. Other days I journal baby names and daydream about conversations with my daughter, or moments with my son.

I have to ask God to forgive me on the days I get angry at people, because of my own fear of the future. I need His daily grace more than ever. He knows I’m not handling this change with ease and constant excitement. I need God’s mercy more now, as a mother. I need to wrestle with the fact that He will heal me and provide for my child, because the reality is: I don’t always believe it. I catch myself fearing, stalling, taking fear out on others.

To any other pregnant woman I would say:  don’t beat yourself up for needing God. He came to earth as a baby and died for a cross because He knew – and still knows – you need grace. It’s OK to say that you have not ‘got this’ because He’s got you. What you cannot do, He can. It’s OK to need to tell yourself that gospel message every day.

If you are giving yourself a hard time, please take a pause to remember who God is. The God of grace, who loves you right where you are, through all you fears and failures.

Conclusion

As I approach week 22, I can thankfully say that leaning on God’s grace has led me to a place where I am becoming more and more confident.

I am gaining self-confidence; that I am unique, my baby is unique and what is right for us might not be the right thing for another pregnant woman. I am also gaining confidence in God: He will show up, He will come through. He has not abandoned me yet, and He will not abandon me in this pregnancy.

There is a verse in the book of Joshua that reads:

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua, 1:9, NIV.)

My prayer for you, as I close this blog post, is that you would also be strong and courageous. Have confidence to overcome comparison. Select only the advice that fits your unique circumstances. Speak out about your embarrassing illnesses, trusting that God will heal you and rid you of shame.

Above all, have grace for yourself, as your baby grows heavy inside your womb. You are loved, right where you are. And you are carrying a precious little miracle. So just keep going, one baby step at a time.