Last month, I fought with a desire to get re-baptised.

(Sounds odd, I know.)

Nevertheless, here’s what happened…

Over a period of 30 days, I witnessed at least 10 baptisms.

I don’t mean the traditional, wet-the-baby’s-head baptisms. I mean the fully submerged ‘I have decided to follow Jesus’ baptisms.

10 people got into a pool of water (one at a time), and publicly declared their faith in Jesus Christ.

I cried.

Baptism after baptism, I watched people confess their love for Jesus, with tears in my eyes.

I admired all 10 strangers, as they allowed their bodies to be fully cleansed, head to toe. It’s an outward sign of what has already happened in their hearts – God washed them of all sin, all shame and all sickness and then restored them to new, and full, life.

But, here’s the thing: as I watched each baptism, I desperately wanted to jump in that holy water, right alongside them.

I itched to dive into that baptismal tank, ten times over.

Even though… I’ve already been baptised.

I’ve already publicly declared my decision to follow Jesus, come what may.

I’ve already been fully submerged in a body of water, as a symbol of my love and commitment to Christ.

Still, this desire to get re-baptised wouldn’t leave.

So, I brought this niggle to God. I questioned:

“God, should I get baptised, again?”

As a result of my prayer, I felt the Holy Spirit was leading me to read about Jesus’ baptism in the bible.

JESUS’ BAPTISM

In the book of Matthew, the Bible reads:

“As soon as Jesus was baptised, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”” (Matthew 3:16-17, NIV)

On reading this, I realised that I had been craving God’s voice. I was longing to hear God say that He was “well pleased” with me.

I thought that somehow, if I could get re-baptised, my actions would please Him. I made the mistake of thinking that I could earn His love, by getting into a baptismal tank and washing myself clean.

But baptism is about accepting that God is already well pleased with you. There is nothing you or I can do to earn His love.

Nothing you or I could do would ever be deserving of His love, but He’s going to love the socks off us anyway, because we are His. His daughters. His sons.

The truth: Baptism is surrender.

Jesus was perfect, so some would argue He didn’t need to be baptised. Yet, when John the Baptist questioned why on earth Jesus would need to get baptised, here’s what happened:

“Jesus replied, “Let it be so now; it is proper for us to do this to fulfil all righteousness.” Then John consented.” (Matthew 3:15, NIV)

By getting baptised, Jesus surrendered to God’s way instead of His. He was baptized because it was the Father’s will and He trusted his Dad.

MY BAPTISM

Looking at Jesus’ baptism reminded me that, when I got baptised, I surrendered to the work of the cross.

The bible says about Jesus:

“But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5, NKJV)

My Jesus is so good that He took every punishment that I deserved, on the cross. He was mocked and beaten and crucified so that I could have peace and healing. I chose to accept who Jesus is when I first got baptised. I chose to accept that his sacrifice was enough to cover all my sin, and give me a new life with God.

Who am I to try and earn what He already did for me?

I realised that baptism is not a method. You don’t have to be baptised in order to be cleansed from sin and shame and sickness. You can choose to be baptized as a way of surrender to the fact that you are cleansed from sin and shame and sickness.

FORGETTING MY SALVATION

After remembering my baptism, it became clear that I had forgotten to simply accept all that my Jesus had won for me on the cross.

I had stopped regularly surrendering to God. And because I had stopped surrendering to God, I had been missing out on what God already bought for me.

Instead, I had been trying to get people to like me. I had been trying to get people to nod their heads and say ‘yes’ to me. I had tried to justify myself in many ways – by overworking, overcommitting, overdoing.

And as I stood there in the midst of my self-righteousness, watching people surrender to the waves of baptismal mercy that God gives… I found myself feeling jealous of what I had already been given. I wanted the freedom from shame they had. The freedom I had already accepted when I first chose to follow Jesus.

Because here is the thing: When you try to control things and earn your way into righteousness, the only thing that happens is that you miss out.

When you try to earn God’s acceptance you forget to actually live in the acceptance He already gives. You will actually miss moments of grace and mercy He freely gives. All because you are struggling instead of surrendering.

I realise that I’ve missed so many moments of God speaking His love to me, just because I’ve been busy trying to earn something I’ve already got!

Yet, God doesn’t punish me for my forgetfulness.

Like a kind Father, He holds me and says:

“Look Beth, look what I have given you. I gave my son so that you can live fully. I’m giving you grace and mercy that is new every morning.” (Lamentations 3:22-23, ESV).

The truth is: God just wants us to say “YES” to Him, and “YES” to His gifts.

He would love you and I to accept that his son had fought for us. He would love us to stand and watch as He goes before me and fights on our behalf today.

He wants to bless you and I, and give us good things. We simply have to daily accept.

It seems too easy, right? And, for me, easy is painful.

I am more at ease when I’m cleaning the house spotless, whilst cooking a meal for 5 people, and simultaneously listening to the ‘sermon of the week.’

In other words: I’m more at ease when I deceive myself into feeling like I am earning my right-standing with God. When I wash up and brush up and eat well and read well, I feel a teeny-weeny bit worthy to step with my little toe in His presence.

The painful truth is: nothing that you or I can do, will ever make us worthy to be in His presence.

• All we can do is accept that Jesus dying on the cross was enough to take away sin and shame, my sickness and self-righteousness.
• All we can do is accept that, because of Jesus, we can walk freely in the gifts God gives.
• All we can do is enjoy the presence of the Holy Spirit, drawing us closer and closer to the goodness of God.

You can be present in His presence, rather than trying to earn worthiness.

You can daily give in to what Jesus did for you, on the cross.

You can choose to remember that Jesus IS your righteousness.